sometimes there is progress that doesn't feel like progress.

today, i got up as usual, prayer and coffee.  i didn't go to the gym, i was planning on later things.  plus, a certain meditation video had me at a huge level of sleep that i couldn't just rise out of.  so i had breakfast and i did my thing and i went to counseling.  Rachel asked me to call her in the a.m. but she didn't answer her phone so i just relaxed until she returned my call, at which time i went to pick her up.

we went to my mom's house and she visited with my parents, my aunt and Dominic, a young son of a friend, while i reinstalled the drivers on my mom's printer.  then i got started on searching for a book printer.  i have an appointment on tuesday with city printing, so i did okay with that.  after we came back to my apartment i ate and took long acting insulin.  Rachel had eaten at my parents house.  that's when we hit progress that didn't feel like progress.

i was working on sub-divisions of the business, such as the notion of one focus for youngstown artists and the larger, parent imprint being for state and national writers and the banner flown atop everything else.  so i asked Rachel what she thought about a logo.  she made some suggestions, and then i took off with it.  she pointed out, some time later as we were watching a movie, that i was acting as i usually do, like the 'we' i speak of is really just 'me'.  i got a bit irritable and told her that i am used to doing this alone but that i would love her input if she would jump in and put her hands on things.  i said i was trying to work on this but if she didn't speak on it how could i change it?  i took her home early, she says because her youngest hadn't been picked up by grandparents, but i believe we'd just hit a bit of a static place and needed space.

it's okay.  i am moving, i am doing most of the physical work, but my God is doing the real work.  and Rachel does need to get in, because it only makes you feel a part of if you become a part of.  just an update before i go back under.