life on life's terms

i can appreciate a nothing day from time to time.  there's not really as many of them as i sometimes bitch about.  i guess the truth is, a nothing day that you choose feels much better than a nothing day that is chosen for you, but that's just my thinking.

i didn't walk today, was up late talking to Rachel.  she got her new phone and called and we talked for an hour or so.  i did say my prayers, i did have breakfast and i've been working on The Land of Evolon all day.  i'm almost done with it, and it is appropriately sad in the ending that now sits in my head.

i've done no cleaning and have no plans to.  i've had way too many carbs today, but that's just part of being lazy.  i went to the store and got my brother a birthday card, but i'll probably make him one as i do want to give him something more heartfelt.  i also got a card for the woman's birthday thing on sunday, and i will go and i'll be cordial and civil because that's the kind of person i want to be today.

i talked to Rachel earlier today, she was folding the clothes that she'd taken to the laundromat.  i am always amused, she doesn't want to ask me to help her, and i know it's because she feels she doesn't want to become dependent upon me.  so she takes static from her mother.  but i'm good these days with that dynamic.  she called me this afternoon, talked for a bit and then dropped a line in the water about her going to the casino.  i'd already told her that she could repay me the money she borrowed with groceries, and that will be fine.  i also told her i didn't want to go to the casino.  i am not stepping back into that obsessive/compulsive habit just to have time with her.  not happening again.  and of course, i didn't try to talk her out of it because she said 'you can't talk me out of it', but it wasn't on my agenda anyway.  i told her i'd pray for her success and told her to be careful.  and she wasn't, which i gather from the text saying 'i hurt myself and don't feel like talking right now'.  life goes on.

i am not responsible for anyone's well being but my own, unless i choose to involve myself in someone else's, AND they allow me to do so.  that is the lesson of the day for me.

i feel good, and i'm walking in the morning, so bed is happening pretty damn soon.  Thank you, Jehovah, for wisdom, insight and growth.