doing thangs

today was a ride, mentally anyway.  but spending money is always a ride these days.  i hate that it has such impact on me.  one of the Promises in the AA Big Book, that come with the 9th step process, is that 'Fear of economic insecurity will leave us".  I don't believe i'm afraid of economic insecurity, as i've been living in it for a long time now, but it is never a comfortable reality to know that money, the need of it and the budgeting and lack of it, can impact my emotional level so poignantly.  but there's nothing to be done about it at this moment.

today i got up and said my prayers and got into sweats and went to the gym.  i did the weight machines today, and i'll walk tomorrow should i be blessed with like and awareness.  i came home and had breakfast and took my meds and realized i forgot to take my fast acting insulin for the evening.  i'm pausing now, because i need to take my fast acting insulin for the evening.

insulin taken.  today, i went to my parent's house early, i washed a load of clothes, got a chance to spend some time with my dad, mom, aunt and brother.  i brought clothes home to dry, and i took my library books back and stopped at the store for something for lunch, before Lonnie called and i took him to the Deyor, as he was several lunches up on me and i wanted to treat myself to a good lunch before i was completely broke.

the Deyor was cool, but the lunch was not well prepared.  i did make a contact and am going to speak to the people at the box office about possibly getting a once a month poetry thing going.  it would be a nice venue for it.  talked to Lonnie for a bit and came home.  i paid bills and got depressed again, but it has to be done.  i'm not sure about the status of my gas bill and will call on it tomorrow, but other than that all is tended to.  watched some tv, had cihili dogs and soup for dinner and am not in the process of shutting it down.

I did talk to Rachel today.  she's supposed to come to a former friend's birthday thing on saturday. i'm waiting to hear back from her because it's on sunday, not saturday, and i have to get details straight with her.  but other than that, she seems to be in decent spirits.

i am concerned about my brother.  i didn't know until today he's been experiencing numbness in his legs and feet when he works too hard.  he had a cut on his leg that he never felt today, on his left leg, which was of course affected by his stroke.  i worry about and for him.  i hope he likes the hat i got for him.

i don't really feel bad today, and i intend to rest in incredible amounts tonight.  i feel secure in that my rent is paid and i have lights.  i feel okay with today, and today is all there is.

thank you, Father.