regardless...
today was a good day. i got up and said my prayers and slowly got into my clothes for a walk. i brewed coffee and had a cup, which was very good, and then i walked my new route. it measures out at 2.1 miles, and it takes me from my front door down Colonial to Cardinal, across to Goldie, up to Hadley and then back to Colonial and my front door. i made the trip in just under an hour. it was a good cool morning for the walk. i felt several times (not knowing the distance beforehand) that i would find some easier, softer way, to paraphrase the Big Book. but i kept my pace and only stopped once, early, to look at a Hillary for president sign by LiUNA, which i wanted to know what kind of name that was and found it was the laborers international union of north america, i believe.
once i returned, i had more coffee, a large glass of lemon water that i keep for my walking days, i had breakfast, ran a bath, got cleaned up, laid about briefly and then went to my meeting. i had plans for my old associate's birthday party and Rachel was accompanying me, so a plan for the afternoon was already in place. stopped at the store to get ice cream for the cake Marc was bringing for Bob's birthday and got to the meeting. i was disturbed early and am still forced to consider my position in things. Bob, a guy i used to sponsor until he began to take shortcuts and feel pretty much like he could do the parts he wanted to and skip the rest, decided he's going to take a champagne drink to toast his daughter's wedding. now, i can't stop someone from doing something if they really want to. but after (supposedly) 10 years sober, you're going to casually decide to have a drink to toast your daughter? and, having made that decision before hand, you really feel this is not a plan you've been coming to for some time? i know he's spending a lot of time with TP, from the previous orbit, and i doubt seriously if she has decided to stop drinking. the new recovery rubric seems to be that you can do what you want, make choices to relapse and not call it a relapse, or make a decision to use and just chalk it up due to the low volume. thing is, i'm not going to find the willingness to continue to be the conscience of a fellowship in which every single member is supposed to comprise what we call the 'group consciousness'. if one person is the morality of the group that group is in trouble and the individual in question is likely on shaky ground. and i can't afford that today.
Rachel and i went to the birthday party. the eggplant parmesan was good, and mashed potatoes were real and the chicken wasn't bad. it was a very...interesting affair, and while i managed to not show outright bafflement at the display, i did not get away without some disdain showing on my face. but i did learn that change within me can be triggered by a multitude of things, and in the end, it doesn't matter if i like Karen. she is what she is and apparently at least a room full of people think pretty well of her, and what else matters?
Rachel and I hung out, drank coffee and ate Soul Soup (my creation). we talked, we laughed, we thought and we had a nice time, in the after-ness behind the birthday party. i dig her, but i was right about her casino excursion and she's going to have a difficult month. but, she is in my prayers, and i hope she finds release from her obsessive/compulsive gambling.
i'm going to sleep now, thank you, Jehovah.
oh, that's a card i made for my brother's birthday on Tuesday. gonna make him some breakfast and give him a card and a hat. that's about the size of that.
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