yesterday first

well, sorry i didn't post this yesterday, but i was sort of undone and had to get my mind back into a semblance of working order.  it's not that i had a bad day, it was quite the opposite actually.   it was, however, the fact that i found there are still things that can come from outside of me to sabotage my journey, and that God continues to watch over me, and I need to act and be more grateful for that.
this combines today and yesterday, so likely it will be written on now and later.
yesterday i didn't do all that much.  i got up and prayed and had coffee and went to the gym.  i came home and had breakfast.  i got out of the house, went to the store to put money on the GD card for Syd and to the store to pick up stuff for dinner.  i didn't write, didn't edit, though i started putting together another collection of poetry.  the day was pretty uneventful for the most part.
then i got a call in the early evening.  a reminder call from Columbus about the peer support test on the eleventh, which is Friday.  i asked the lady who called after she was done giving me the information if she had my quiz results, as i'd never gotten them.  i was told, after she checked, that they didn't have my quiz in their system.  i was also informed that if my quiz was not in, i could take the test but i wouldn't be certified.  i was unhappy but not surprised.
at the classes i ended up in a bit of a disagreement with the facilitators.  not about anything major, but i felt that i was not being given a chance to present my thought, though many of my peers were, and that my point was being denigrated.  the gist of the matter, i said that on the subject of labeling, sometimes you can help someone take power away from a label by redefining it or redirecting it to a positive.  the new theories, of course, dispute that, because the new theories, concerning addiction and alcoholism at least, are that you don't do anything to upset anyone and you make sure all the walls are malleable and non-impacting, so you don't hurt anyone's feelings.  when i saw that even thinking something and wanting clarification was not permissible, at least in regard to me, i backpedaled to the position of just taking in the information, not asking anything, not jumping up to do any particular thing unless i was specifically asked, and getting through the class with enough information to pass the test.  I'd read ahead, i would listen when they'd talk, and i got the information i needed.  two things may have impacted, therefore, on this situation:
1.  i would not pretend that any of what I was being shown was especially difficult or enlightening, and I also refused to denigrate my own recovering experience.  if i get a job as a peer support person, i need to rely on my own experience and the guidelines they set in order to do my job, and i'm not willing to compromise that for someone's ego.
2.  i was given a survey, as everyone was, and i filled it out and turned it in before i realized it was supposed to be an anonymous questionnaire, and i initialed every page that i did.
3. after i withdrew to my holding position i refused to 'act as if', even when it was requested of me, because i felt that someone getting in my face to make me smile and putting all the focus on me went against the things we were being taught as important in viable peer support.
the lady who called allowed me to forward her my quiz email (forward; send it, with the person i sent it to originally attached) and they would have it graded so i could get certified.  they'll see that i sent it, the date that I sent it to the person who was supposed to grade it and i'll be vindicated in that way at least.  but i am grateful, as this could have had serious consequences to my future as a peer support person.  thank you, Jehovah, for watching over me still.