oh, my. days have gotten away. i think i was lost for a bit. it's the weather. everything was kind of fine friday, though that doesn't explain why i didn't do any writing that day. but saturday and today i've been sick. flu, gout, sick of all these damn physiological changes. it puts everything else on delay, and i don't have an abundant amount of time for that. on the other hand, time is what it is, being sick is being sick and there's nothing i can do but get better and resume.
so i got up and said my prayers but it was way too early today. i had sausage and eggs for breakfast, but again, way too early. i tried to stay up, watch some television, but i ended up back in bed. i texted my brother and asked if he could bring me a newspaper, which he did, but there were neither cars nor jobs in it. but i thought at least i could read in bed. youngstown news is bullshit, always has been. so i went and lay back down. my dad came next, from church. i told him i didn't need anything. i appreciate him coming to check on me. he brought me hot and sour soup yesterday. but i don't need anything. i just want to rest.
i didn't get to see the cars i wanted to test drive yesterday. neither of them. i didn't get to do anything that needed to be done, including cleaning. hard to clean when your foot feels like its full of broken glass, and today it's both feet. i've taken my meds and insulin, sipped on concentrated black cherry juice, taken extra gout meds and drank lots of water, of which i shall continue to do. i am going to write a bit more, started a new book. decided to take my own suggestions, update my bio-collection, this one is called THE GIRL BEHIND THE GLASS, about R and my history since i've been back in this godforsaken town. no hurry on it; it's not done yet.
counseling was good on friday, and lunch with Lonnie was good as well. i'm just trying to stay on point. but sometimes, it can get a bit heavy. i should have gotten the salmon and had it ready for my uncle today. i should have gotten a call in and made plans to visit my sponsor. time goes on, and one day you look at the calendar and the clock and they both just read 'too late', and then you have to carry it along with you where you go, to finish your own ride. but i can't do anything about it now. i have to just keep it moving, and when the time comes back around, do better.
i'm sleepy, but i'm going to work on 'behind the glass' for a bit, then i'm going to lay back down. just finished the last of four days worth of chicken parm for lunch. glad it's gone. it was wonderful, but four days of anything is about two days too much. but i don't waste food. and it was a blessing, as i didn't have to cook much. thank you, Father, for knowing what is best for me before i needed to know myself.
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