progress...

it's strange.  I don't feel like i'm in over my head, but i am definitely in strange waters.  I guess that's what the benefit of living life actively is.  I trust God, I trust myself, and I don't trust the people that I have to deal with for a car.  so i feel like i'm on the right track.
yesterday was a good day, though a mite strange for me.  first of all, i did say my prayers as i did this morning, and i got started at the gym.  i came home and my brother came by for breakfast and we talked for awhile.  I got a bath in and got moving, planning on going to check some cars before the meeting but that didn't materialize and i'm glad about that.  I'm not trying to rush.  I'm just trying to find the right vehicle.  so i went to the meeting, i enjoyed the discussion and i got some LJS for lunch, which was an overindulgence but i was just in that place.  i laid down for a bit, and i must have drifted off.  I was awakened by a knock at my door.  i thought it may have been the delivery people with my meds, but it turned out to be R.  I was surprised, and it's nice to find i still can be.  we talked, and she was between the insane amount of running she does lately.  she told me she loves and misses me and didn't mean to abandon me and i told her i knew that, i just feel strongly for her and that what i go through when i invest feelings.  we spoke and she left, and i lay back down and thought about her.  it made me feel lighter.  i had stew and biscuits for dinner, leftovers from the day before.  i talked to SL late last night, or early this morning, however you want to see it.  i tried to give her an ear as she was venting about work frustration.  i didn't mind.  it was 230 in the morning, though, and i know that more than anything is why i didn't hit the gym today.  but i'll go tomorrow.

while i was up i started looking into some cars.  i made some notes on some cars i'm going to call on and check out today.  i also put in an application for a job doing computer customer service, just because it looked like something i would do and it was on vindy.com jobs.  that was after i woke and said my prayers today.

thing is, i feel good, and it's a strange feeling but it's not scary.  i was talking to a friend at the meeting yesterday, just as i was talking at the meeting itself.  i was trying to help someone see that they are being blessed, and it made me look at my own blessings, which are rather abundant.  i also was thinking this morning about how, though it could be construed that i've been really really down without R actively in my presence, i have done quite a bit since November.  i haven't stopped.  despite the depression, which i know is present, i've done quite a bit and have plans to do quite a bit more.  those are the blessings that I am most happy to give full credit to Jehovah God, because i know that if i wasn't ready for them, they wouldn't be coming.  such as; i haven't even thought of doing anything with the credit cards  yet.  those are to grow the publishing.  knowing my credit limit with the credit union, i am not trying to secure other funding.  i know that what i receive is enough, if i'm careful shopping.  i may never be a person that can just go to a new car lot, look at what appeals to my eye and drive off with it due to impeccable financial standing, but i have become a person, on disability, who is worth people taking a chance on; my character reflects better today.  those are serious blessings to someone who was once 'consistently inconsiderate'.  so, i am going to get into this day.  i have to email an auto dealer that I am not going to come in and check the Dodge Challenger because it's out of my price range.  i'm going to go south and locate something, and if i can't find anything there i'll go further south to akron and find what i'm looking for there.  and i'll update later and let you know.