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Sunday, March 13, 2016

apprehension and determination

it's sunday.  i've missed more days, i know.  it wasn't intentional.  i just had a lot going on over the past several days, but it still indicates a lack of discipline and that's something i'm going to have to correct.  nonetheless, i am going to play catch up.
we'll go backwards, that will be easier, i believe.
today is daylights savings, so i'm all out of sorts.  i got up and floundered before i got my prayer done and got in motion.  had breakfast cooked before i took my insulin, and after i ate i took meds.  i was aware of the time discrepancy so i took a bath, got my shit together and gathered things for the meeting.  i made stuffed pepper soup for our pot luck and had to get some stuff from the store.  i was reminded that this was Marc's birthday, so i got cake for him and Gary, thinking wrongly it was also Gary's birthday, and i got cupcakes for everyone else.
the meeting was cool, though we were a bit behind starting out and it was sort of chaotic.  Matt was running late, as he was off as well with DST and had to get cards.  he got there and everyone disengaged and went in.  as has been the case lately, it became the 'melona' show, Melona being a woman who attends the meeting and puts a lot of work into being the center of attention.  but i had spoken to Matt about the issue and kept her as much in chek as i could.  the meeting went okay, and Matt and i talked for a long while afterwards.  i brought my brother Jerry some pizza, got in, got unloaded, talked to my dad who'd called and told him i'd get his television straight tomorrow, as i am super tired and am now laying down.  if i eat later, i'm pretty sure it's just going to be soup.

yesterday, it was boring but i started laying some groundwork.  i began a loan application at my credit union and i applied for another credit card.  i didn't clean  i also got a number i need to call about re-establishing trash pick-up so i can get these couches gone.  i ate okay, i did pray, i just didn't clean.  i made my bed, made some check up and check in calls, and i worked on the soup and spaghetti for SL.  i texted her when it was ready and finished up with my mother's soup, separate from the meetings.  SL texted that she was on her way and a while later she came.  she ate some of her spaghetti though i had it packaged for her.  she ate some crackers, some cake and drank some of my crystal light.  she also fell asleep in a kitchen chair.  i fucked around online, watched some television, made a salad, heated leftover fish and eventually ate.  i convinced SL to at least get on the couch as the chair just seemed very uncomfortable.  so she sat on the couch and went back to sleep.  i noticed it sounded as if she has sleep apnea.  i suggested she may want to get a sleep study done when she woke up again, and she fussed and went back to sleep.  i watched television until it was time to shut it down and told her i was going to bed and it was time for her to roll. she left with her spaghetti and i went to bed.  i think i said before that she laid the terms about us remaining friends, though i'd decided that before she approached me on it, and if i didn't, it's probably because as a male i am a whore and likely will renege on any deal i broker alone because it's what we do.  but i won't disrespect her wishes.

Friday.  i prayed, took a bath and got myself in gear.  i didn't go to the gym, though i planned to.  i wanted to be on point for the peer support test.  i ate, went to counseling and then went to Warren.  i got there in plenty of time.  the test was easy and i was  the first person done.  i went across the street and got some lunch, then i went to the store to get the stuff for my soup.  i talked to my mom, i made fish for dinner, i mostly took it easy.
i think i did well on the test.  it wasn't especially hard, if you had the information from the classes.  i had to settle down, let go of the anger from them not grading my quiz.  i met the woman who got it all straight and had a chance to thank her.
i feel things moving forward.  my position is improving.  it is scary.  it does make me nervous.  but it is a really cool thing, to watch it happening.  i feel as if i can do much more, as i'm starting to understand what it means to be blessed and to appreciate that blessing.  it's not bad at all.  thank you, Jehovah, for your guidance.  i'm done.

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