well, as we're beginning our flight path today, a bit late though, it seemed best to start with this entry. missed yesterday, because there was quite a bit going on. but i want to get in an early log, to make sure i hold myself accountable. when I finish this, i'm going to get into my shorts and shoes and head for the gym, first time in two weeks. and my brain is trying to talk me out of it. so there you go. one moment, going to put eggs on to boil.
i determined yesterday that it was all getting away from me. that's especially detrimental, because the corner is right in front of me, and i can turn it and start something better at any time. and it's scary down inside. or, rather, it's scary on the surface. TOTI, my friend who hasn't been mentioned in quite some time, has always been prepped for success. but my external, the fearful, timid and sabotaging adult i've become, is scared shitless at the prospect of doing better things, succeeding at the book sales, making a difference and being truly happy. so i've gotten insulated again, i've started rationalizing and making excuses for being lazy, and i've been hiding in my apartment. can't keep going like that. R says that since she put distance between us i've been being blessed. she's partly joking. but the truth is, i stopped focusing on strengthening us, and TOTI has been able to work on strengthening me. and it's worked. but now i'm trying to backpedal, and that's not going to be permitted to continue.
i did the things i needed to do yesterday and it was a restful day. i prayed and ate, i didn't write but i worked on the recording app i installed and started seeing how the sound would be for the advertising i plan to use it for. i saw Syd's nephew, Porsha's son London for the first time and hung out with him for an hour before my meeting. he's adorable, and we got along, which tells me my spirit is still in pretty good shape. I went to my meeting and got Melona doing things to be a part of the meeting rather than being separate and controlling of the things in the meeting to avoid discomfort. and i went to see my parents and fixed my mom a plate. I saw my brother and his 'girlfriend', and i grilled some steak and some chicken and had dinner. i watched some anime, i went to bed and tossed and turned for a while as i had late coffee. it was a good day, uneventful and cool. but it let me know that i want to have days like that more often and i have to work to strengthen the foundation for them. funny how you find that good days can actually weigh more than bad days when you're not used to good days. but i'm going to push on. i'm about to get dressed, i'm going to go to the gym. likely just work the machines, but i may do the elliptical for a few, just to get the heart rate going. i'm going to find my title. i am going to put my Cavalier in the front of the drive for sale until the 13th of April, and if it doesn't sell by then i'm going to junk it. it's time for some change. it is time for some action moving me forward. and i am going to come back to this later and put some more down. these aren't just markings today. these are attainable goals. and i'll do a checklist style review and see which i hit and which i have to put on tomorrow's list. so, see you later.
okay, so i went to the gym, no cardio though, got there super late and did about an hour of weight machines. I came home and made a meatloaf mix patty and oatmeal and strawberries for breakfast, took meds and insulin and am about to start working on the checklist. it's returned to cold weather outside, so this is going to be a rather low-key day, but that's okay. last week was a busy week, and next week is going to be hectic as well, so if i choose to move slow, it's not necessarily a bad thing. more later. ,
it's going on 6pm. it's been a lazily productive day. i took my evening insulin. my lunch was a chicken quesidilla. i wonder sometimes if all the words americans use for pseudo mexican food really have meanings. anyway, it had peppers and onions and cheese. and I had a bowl of chicken and wild rice soup from a can. it was good after i doctored it with basil and some cayenne and a bit of salt.
i'm heating up the last of the chicken and the small steak from yesterday. i've got the last of the potato salad and i made a green salad as well with field greens and spinach, cucumber, tomato, onion, two strawberries, a boiled egg and cheese. i feel good, though after the gym i kind of just hung out, with no real want to do much. i found what i had by way of a title, but it is a 'memo' title, and after calling my credit union i found i have to go to the title office in Warren to retrieve it. that should be fun. but i did hit my marks, i think. i didn't move the car to the front of the drive yet, but i will tonight. I made my for sale signs for the front and side window. and, i think i'm going to have a job. I got a call from SL telling me the help hotline was asking for my number. that's where i put the application in when i finished the training classes and where i interviewed not long after. i was asked if i would mind coming in to shadow someone, to see how the job is done, and i was eventually given days to come in. so, i would imagine it's mine if i choose to take it. i have to see the starting pay and the hours. i'm only looking for part time. i know there's so much that you're supposed to be able to work, but i don't trust them. they're so hesitant to provide a person with benefits, i can only imagine they'd be far too eager to snatch them away. but it's still progress, still on the good road, still a good orbit. Thank you, Jehovah. i'm going to have dinner and get ready to be productive tomorrow too.
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