well, good morning. I'm starting early because i have no idea how long i'm going to last today. i just finished breakfast, eggs and sausage scrambled with jalapenos and cheese and a piece of toast, blood sugar waking was 161, so i took my insulin and my meds. i was looking online at cars this morning and saw one that i want to go check out. i need to get to Akron, so that's the work today.
I feel some better, but i hate talking it up. TP has hinted that it seems i'm mostly sick lately. I don't believe that's the case, but i know i've been sick quite a bit more than i used to be. I read a story recently about a guy, a statistician, who noticed after a point he was sleeping longer every night, like fifteen minutes longer, and he accurately predicted that when he reached the point of sleeping 24 hours he would die. and he did. which, i guess, how would you know if you were dead if you were sleeping around the clock, right? still, it was something.
anyway, talked to R again. she's sort of fugue'ing out, and i figured that was happening. she's going through what I believe is a mid-life crisis. back in bars, though she's not drinking. smoking more weed, planning a trip to Jamaica, doing her thing. i figured it was going to happen. Her cousin dying and her time in Florida have shaken her foundation quite a bit. i just stay where i am, old Funkadelic song, 'I'LL STAY', it's finally rather apropos. anyway, i'm going to make some calls, i'm going to wrangle a ride to Akron, I want a car today, if that is God's will. If not, then i want to be on the path to having the car that i am going to drive.
still congested, still cold but the gout is the worst part today. now it's mostly the right foot, the instep particularly. i am walking through, without the cane, but i'm not afraid to use the thing.
i got a broken fortune cookie yesterday, with the hot and sour soup my dad brought me. I don't believe in fortunes, but i do believe in signs. i don't know exactly what it means, but i'm saving it.
i have to get to the gym asap. but i'm not going to hurt myself trying to overextend. this is going to be a day of deliberate action. made my bed,. going to straighten my bedroom. going to gather clothes to wash, probably tomorrow. going to make the salmon for my uncle and aunt. but only to the extent that i can. okay, i'm gone for now.
i've been out, looking at cars. I didn't see much in the city, but i didn't really expect to. I know i can get what i want for the money i have available, but this is not the best season. people are people, and one of the things they do at this time of year, tax return season, is they fix up cars for stupid poor people and struggling people to come in, test drive, pay all their returns just to find they've purchased a piece of shit that they're stuck with. it's a dumb game, because who really needs to ruin someone else's credit just to get their little bit of money when they could sell them a good running car, make a customer happy and earn a return customer at a later date? just like myself. I'm not going back to Herns motors in Hubbard where I got the Cavalier, because it wasn't up to snuff when i got it and they knew it. they pressured my dad who pressured me. but not this time. if i do good, if i fuck up, I'll own it. no one else, no middle men.
i'm currently making salmon and roasted red skinned potatoes for my family, part for my uncle and aunt and part for my dad and mom's house. I wanted to do it sunday, as i said, but i wasn't up to it. I asked my mother could she ask my aunt Michele if she could do delivery for me, but i see my mom is in typical form. so i will just let my mom come by, since she wants to, and i'll send her with the stuff. no biggie. I'm getting sleepy, but there's still more time in the day so there's more to do. I hope this next book turns out good. i'd like R to have an idea of just how large she lives in my heart. and if i can make some money on a great love story then why not?
Thank you, Jehovah, for showing me that patience is always possible.
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