Yes means YES

back into the process.  it was hot enough yesterday to impede normal thought somewhat, which is why i'm logging today.  it wasn't the worst of days by far, but it took some sttreamlining of attentiveness and today likely will as well.  but one day at a time.

i got up yesterday as slowly as possible.  i was prepared to go through the day as scripted but as far as the Kingdom Hall, my mom woke feeling less than good and deciding not to go.  i decided also to chill, from the Hall and the meeting.  so i got up and got started with my prayer and took my medicine and read my books but didn't finish my scripture.  a sign of the day to come, i'd say.

the house was more stifling than genuinely hot, but that is a deterrent as well.  so i just moved slowly through most everything.  i compiled a list of needed things, got myself in clothes and called Lonnie eventually and i got out the door early enough.  i got most of what was on my list, having to compromise on the purchasing of dinner, because i re-discovered that i had the meeting book in my trunk and had to contact the meeting secretary so he could meet me at my parent's house to obtain it, and that meant no food that would spoil or i'd have to throw out freshly purchased goods.

he came and got the book, and i made my mother coffee and breakfast, and we talked a bit but not much.  i am sensing some things with her that are difficult.  her uncertainty seems more pronounced, her inability to track what is going on.  she holds on to the things she knows, the babies, the activities of the recent past, but she is so frustrated in the process.  maybe that's just what getting older, getting old, is like.  maybe it's just frustration at losing the ability to do the simple things, and never getting sure footing back underneath oneself.  it is happening to my father as well, and i'm sure it's happening to me too.

anyway, i got home, put things away, ordered lunch, picked it up and ate and finished formatting the book above for publishing.  i had already gotten the email from CreateSpace that The Last Recovering Man was ready for review, and it looks good, and i'm going to order my proofs today, but i'm trying to wait for this one to get approval as well so i can get all my proofs at the same time.  i fell into a bit of a nap, and i made myself some dinner, and i went to sleep and heard De'Ja come in but i didn't acknowledge him because i wanted him to go to the spare room and set up the fan and get what sleep he could.  i didn't want him to feel obligated to check on me, and thus keep us both wake longer.  he is sleep now, and i'm going to have to awaken him briefly to let me out of the driveway, but that's briefly and that's okay.

i felt spiritually okay yesterday, though i should have gone to the Hall as i intended.  i talked through text to TF, TP's mom passed and i offered my condolences, and i deleted my FB account where i continued to give myself depressing doses of Rachel.  and life goes on.  today i have to call Dr. Steyn and schedule the biopsy, i need to fill out the paperwork for my Xarelto, and i have to get to work, so it's time to move my ass.  after i update The Dining Room.  thank you, Father, and forgive me for not doing what i said i was going to do.