a song to write, but not to sing...

how far we've come, how much is gone now.  it's not the worst thing i've encountered in this life.  maybe that's the problem sometimes; there's an actual scale in place, bad things, worse things, not so bad things.  wish i had less perspective and more friends.  but that's not really the issue, and if there is one, it's not pertinent this day.

i got up today, cool night and slow motion.  i said my prayer, got in gear and went to the kitchen to get some heated coffee, take my meds, read and ready myself for the day.  it wasn't a bad start, and i had plans to get out of this house today.  a continuation from yesterday, i gather. 

i did get going, pretty much on schedule, and called Lonnie on my way to the flea market on Jacobs.  he met me there after a bit,  and i got some fruit and some veggies, and i walked for a good while and i talked to some people and i got some sun.  i got OUT, in other words, and it felt pretty good, i admit.  we went to unload some yoga mats from his car at YSU but he didn't have his key so we went to brunch at What's Cookin' on South Ave.  i went to my meeting after that, came home, put some things away and i cooked and ate my dinner.  now, the kitchen is restored, i'm due for a shave and shower and it's almost time to get ready for tomorrow.  my lunch is by and large made, and there's not much more for me to do or commit brain energy to right now.  so i've been laying down, fucking around on FB, thinking about a year passing, about Rachel living her life, about whatever is in the future for me.  i've been thinking about whether i need to stay here or go somewhere else.  and by that i mean this city, this state, whatever you want to ponder on it.

i have nothing much left to offer here, and i'm sure i've nothing left to do.  Timothy, my grandson, is a reason, but i have a suspicion i'm going to just end up running interference in the drama his parents keep between them.  my parents are a reason, but i can't let that be my main motivation.  i'm not especially happy, but when the hell have i ever been?  i just have to take things one day at a time and be content to be in God's will.  because that's the reality of my life.  i can't make it into something that it's not.

anyway, i finished the lyrics to the song i wanted to work on, but my music phone is locked on a useless screen and i haven't worked out the melody just yet.  but it was writing.  and the bedding is different.  and i got out the house.  so, thank you, Father, for bringing about some much needed change over the past 48 hours.