two clients in wheelchairs, with much different levels of very limited verbal communication and physical mobility. a client who uses words only when he chooses, sits in his own space and mind most of the time, and is not obstinate but can be balky from time to time. a young woman and man who are bristling with what would be hormonal horniness in teenagers, trying to maintain a 'relationship' without being seen as maintaining it. a young man with an autism that sometimes prevents him from being able to directly get on the bus, who is daily traumatized by change, and who has to re-acclimate to even a familiar situation on a daily basis. a woman who is terrified of rejection, who has extreme and obvious abandonment issues, and who has only the mentality to deal with it by keeping herself the center of attention at all times. and a 63 year old black man, the only one in the crew, who just wants to get through his days. those were my riders for the past month.
it was never truly tumultuous. it was never completely smooth either.
the only thing i know for a fact is communication is always necessary to try. it doesn't always work, but it is completely ineffective if it isn't tried at all. the good thing was, they responded. the other good thing was, even though he wasn't a great aide, the gentleman who was assigned to this bus was a perfect aide for one of the clients, and that meant i only really had to deal with seven others. manageable.
i asked them for help right from the beginning. the clients on a route learn their route and don't forget it. they tend to know their surroundings far better than their drivers do. they made sure i got where we needed to go, and they made sure if i took wrong turns they told me about it.
as time passed, i got to know more about their personalities, they got to know the one i presented to them, joking, laughing, not taking things too seriously, usually. they came to know i wasn't trying to supplant myself in their regular driver's place, that i felt my duty was to keep his bus together, to get them all there and back safely. that i managed to do.
i asked about their meals, asked if they'd eaten breakfast. i asked how work was, how they spent their evenings, how they were feeling. i talked to the ones who responded in the traditional way, and i talked to those who responded however they could. after a point, they all communicated with us.
they shared their good days, their bad days. they squabbled with each other. the girl who was in the 'relationship' with my number one navigator and the woman who needed to be the center of attention were always in contention. in fact, the latter was in contention constantly with most of the others on the bus in one way or another. the young man who was hesitant to get on the bus had a severe setback when his favorite aide at the workshop was moved elsewhere. at one point, i had to tell them that they had to get along, that if they were my friends, my friends had to be friends with each other. not really true, but it was effective for a bit.
i bribed them with cookies. i laughed and joked. i got them to laugh along, and got them to tease each other rather than tear at each other. soon enough, they started to act more civil, for the most part. did the insecure one become completely secure and 'user-friendly'? of course not. did the 'couple' not try to manipulate me into looking past any indiscretions? they tried every chance they got. was it sometimes taxing to hear the same thing from the same individual over and over again? any parent would know i was lying if i said it wasn't.
but i think that is the key. "Parent". you become their surrogate parent for the duration of the ride. or, surrogate family at least. you make it okay for them to be human, to have vulnerability, to NEED. you try to show respect, regardless of how you feel.
and at the end, you let them know they are important to you.
yesterday, it was sad and poignant. i shook hands, i got and gave hugs. i told them it was an honor to drive them, and i thanked each of them for allowing me to. two things touched me harder than the rest though.
the girl in the wheelchair, she is far more responsive than the young man is, though only by way of being understood by someone 'outside'. her mother told me that i had done an exceptional job, that in 30 something years of drivers, they had learned to look for those who would be safe driving their daughter, but that i was beyond that. it made me feel good. it made me happy to have driven her child.
the other, the man who stayed in his own space, who was coming out slowly, giving trust in his own measure and his own time, who made sure the aide and i both were wished a happy father's day and a happy 4th of july, he wouldn't move. he sat, at his stop, and he looked at me. and i reached out a hand and said, 'thank you for riding with me, D____', and he reached out, and he held two of my fingers with his own, and after a moment, he let go and stood up and got off the bus.
that was the undoing of me.
i start a new route on monday. it will be my route, it will be my schedule. i am looking forward to it.
but it won't be anywhere near as precious starting out as this one is ending. i thank Jehovah God for that.
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