lifetime

sometimes, it seems life moves faster than the mind can encapsulate.  other times, it's easy to remember that it takes a lifetime to live a lifetime.  no faster, no slower.

yesterday was a good day, a learning day in some ways, an accomplishment in some ways, and a strain on my central processing unit on another.  i got up and said my prayers, my back hurting from the futon as always.  i made my way down the stairs to bathroom and do preparations for the family.  i took meds, insulin, had coffee and i'm pretty sure i made my mom breakfast, though i didn't eat breakfast myself.  or maybe i didn't. i can't be sure.  i know i went back to lay down and that didn't happen too well due to the large coffee i'd drank in the morning.  i talked to Rachel first thing in the morning and i talked to Lonnie as i nodded in and out and decided i'd go to the store to get myself some stuff to make a great lunch.  much better idea than just going through the motions of chicken wings and potato chips.  when i got home, my mom was making salad.  my aunt was on her phone playing a game, as she usually is when she's not working.  such a strange dynamic that is.  i put together a sandwich, a banana and some snacks, then on my way to work got some chips.  nice lunching.

i got to work to some chaos.  to alleviate some of the mounting tension and bullshit, many of the residents were moved to opposite tiers.  pretty much all of them were met with complaints and bitching.  i started reading the manual for my job, and will continue to do so.  i disappointed one of my supervisors when i went out to my car for lunch.  i found this out later, and it was a valuable lesson.  i need to start eating in the facility.  it doesn't bother me to eat with the residents.  none of that bothers me.  i was just taking time to get off my feet, but the job calls for me to be on my feet and i have to adjust to that.  i'm getting there.  i finished the night as strong as i could, feet singing in pain.  but the morning brings relief, and who could truly ask for more than that?

i got up this morning, grabbed my phone and had a message from my daughter, to the effect that i probably 'accidentally' threw away some valuable things of hers, jewelry, a controller, etc.  a dark cloud descended upon my morning.  we had an exchange, where Syd showed she is still lacking in either empathy or common sense.  i am, in my heart of hearts, glad she is leaving.  because i have run the gamut of endurance for this child who knows everything and has no ideal how to amend her wrongs toward others.  i am wearied of this, and i need a respite.  i managed to pray despite this, and i've eaten, taken my medicine and my insulin on Wednesday morning, my day off, and i'm going to just try to chill as best as i can.  thank you, Father.  .