yesterday was a pretty good day. i went to bed on a sour note, however, and did not write. when i got up, i did the things i had to do, as i try to do every day. i realize that people are creatures of habits, and in some of us, in many of us, those habits are just pre-programmed responses to immediate stimuli, so getting angry about people's reactions is a waste of cosmic energy. such as, the fact that when i do things like take trash out, put dishes away, cook for my family, those things are done less and less by the people who used to have to do them when i wasn't here. one hand, i could feel taken for granted. other hand, i have stated i believe God placed me here to help care for them, and no one asked me to cook or take trash out or fetch newspapers. perspective is a great thing. so i do the things that i do, not because no one else will, because they have, but because they are there to do and they are part of the matrix which is comprised of my daily activities. and that's okay. today i made coffee, i am drinking coffee and the dishes are put away. dinner is by and large done.
when i finished my morning thing, i left to do things that had to be done. i sent the heart monitor back. there was no point in keeping it, and i was not going to use a faulty monitor. i don't think anyone ever thinks that if you give someone something to strap to their chest and it malfunctions with alarms and beeps and the equivalent of bells and whistles, and it is supposed to monitor the consistency of your heartbeat, it is a terrifying thing and no one will willingly do such a thing to themselves. i also called my gas provider and was prepared to go to war over them saying that i'd continue in responsibility for the gas since they couldn't enter the property to turn off the meter. i know when you don't pay your BILL, they don't knock politely to come in and disconnect you, and if they can't get in say,'oh, well, we tried, guess he gets free gas from us'. but the landlord has rented the property and the new tenants have gas in their name. got my final bill. thanking my heavenly Father now.
i'd spoken to Rachel earlier and told her i wanted to stop by and hang out with her for a bit. when i finished with my errands, i went over and sat. we talked, and she was hungry so we went to lunch. we went to a Chinese place she took me to for my birthday. then we went down in Mill Creek to do pictures. i had given her a business idea that i hope she thinks about. we hung out for several hours, and then i took her home. the heat yesterday was nice, but it was oppressive with humidity and made us both drained.
when i got home, i had plans to cook dinner. i had a bunch of stuff i had to do. i had the remnants of the chicken breast that Rachel had brought on Sunday, marinating in buttermilk, that needed to be cooked. i also had ground beef that had thawed on Sunday that had to be cooked. this is where i need to work on patience and communication on a different plane. i asked my mother, earlier in the day, would she rather have meat loaf or chicken parm for dinner. i ask my mother, i ask no one else. my dad has not one time expressed any interest in anything except running incessantly in the course of the day. my aunt says she eats turkey, and i didn't have turkey, and she's rarely home. i didn't care personally; i will always find something to make to my specifications. my mother said, 'chicken parm'. so, i made chicken parm, stove top fashion, and i made the meat loaf for another day. my mother, in my absence from the kitchen for a brief period, tells my dad to choose what he wants, and of course he chooses meat loaf. Lord...i tell my mother, when she's giving me my dad's 'dinner order', that there is no meat loaf for dinner today. there is meat loaf, absolutely. but i'd already informed her that meat loaf was for another day if chicken parmesan was the preferred option. she said she'd forgotten, but i don't honestly believe her. mostly because she had no way of knowing exactly what else i was cooking. she was in the kitchen; i was trying to change a way of doing things by offering to let her make the salad, and she did a great job of it. but unless she was secretly watching everything i did, the meat loaf was done simultaneous with the chicken, without any fanfare. so she had no reason to rock the boat. my dad came in the kitchen, apparently, saw the chicken parm, the sauce over noodles and the salad, and he put his plate in the microwave and a napkin over his salad and had somewhere to go. it was, for me, insulting. and so i went upstairs early and only returned downstairs this morning.
i know she doesn't mean anything by it, and it's definitely not the end of the world. but my mother is, and has been, childish in many ways. and my father is indulgent in that. i personally don't want to know why, i just want some functionality in the home. i don't believe that's too much to ask for, but i might be wrong. anyway, i've got to change my dealings. but in the meantime, i have to deal with myself better as well.
CCA contacted me yesterday and asked if i could come in and do some paperwork and said the day i did it i'd be starting. so i'm employed again, which is cool. i'm glad to have the opportunity to work, and i plan to make the most of it. i hope that it doesn't interfere with plans for the drive-in this weekend, but we'll see. meanwhile, i am going to catch Marc for breakfast today, i have the noon meeting and i have to figure whether to bother with sides for the meat loaf or not. prayers, meditation, writing. a good start to the day, and gratitude for Jehovah for the day's beginning.
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