yesterday was a good day, but i learned that my limitations are very real things now, to be weighed and considered, and to eventually be put into the equation and respected.
i got up tired from the late night on friday, said my prayer and commenced to get the day moving. it was too early when i woke, but having to go in at 4 made a big difference. i came downstairs, took meds and insulin, came up for coffee. i made my mom and myself a breakfast sandwich and i went outsides to gauge the weather. i decided i was going to rest a bit more, knowing that it was going to be a long day.
i got back up, got my shower, got myself moving. can't remember sequentially the events, but i did see to my parents, touched bases with them both, got myself dressed, had lunch cobbled together from the fridge and talked to a couple people along the way. talked to Rachel for a bit, talked to Patrice early in the morning and i talked to Lonnie. saw my brother come through for a few. then i got my ass to work. still a nice, strange thing to be able to say.
i started immediately coming in the door. had to take a call, saw who i was working with for the day. i will say my instructor was good, showed me a lot of things in the course of the day that i needed to see, but i can also say that he disappeared a lot. like a corrections ninja.
the two women were cool, but one was young and bored and the other was older and on the verge of being cynical. the younger and the older were fairly constant on their phones. we are a compromised society. but they were cool to me and that's all that matters. the older was pretty rigid with the residents, but one had her attention for the entire time. its funny, it never changes. the dynamics of dysfunction show themselves as soon as you learn 'the rules'.
anyway, long and easy day. boring, on weekends. less structure, which means less to monitor but also means they are more inclined toward bending rules to the breaking point. everyone talks about balancing the inmates doing what they can get away with with getting work out of them. i'm sure administration doesn't feel the same way, but who am i to engage in a war i don't intend to fight for very long?
i did more pat-downs, badly. i know where to take the urine tests now, even know how to label them properly. i know how to check meds to make sure no one is getting something they're not supposed to get. i won't go in today until 4 on the nose, pretty close, because i am still not able to clock in, and see no point in working for free for 15 minutes. they'll never pay me for the time i am on the premises, because i don't have a clock in set yet.
Syd got in touch with her mother yesterday. Syd's little hideaway is falling down and she has to find something else to do. so she got in touch with her mother, and she's going to be moving to Arizona soon enough. she's trying to find what she can do in the interim period, and she's reaching out to her brother and sister. her old daycare person has gotten in touch with her. things are coming along. so, she will have a chance at a change and a start, and maybe even a chance to heal some things that need healing. not my circus; not my monkeys.
i am thankful to Jehovah for where i am at at this moment. i am sorry that i am not going to the Hall today, or to my meeting. i have to establish balance and rest, and i have to get through the night stronger than i did last night. the future is not mine to see, but today is doable.
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