Impossible Perfect

what is perfection?  is such a thing possible in such a fucked up world as this?  i was raised to believe that perfection is not possible in man, that this world is imperfect due to the sin committed by Adam and Eve in their disobedience to God, and that we are all children of that sin, therefore children of imperfection.

they say 360 degrees is a perfect circle, but a year is 365 days around the sun, which would make it an ellipse that becomes a spiralgraph over time.  people go in pursuit of perfect hair, perfect teeth for the perfect smile, perfect skin, not even considering that hair and skin are dead tissue and that teeth are specific bone structure. we want perfect love, perfect kindness, perfect justice, perfect truth, perfect beauty, and the world is hateful, cruel, unjust, false by nature and ugly.  so, what is perfection?

on my route, i get to see the most beautiful sunrise.  many different scenarios that accompany it, and i try to get shots every time i'm out and it's gorgeous.  but the pictures i take don't come close to the beauty of the horizon as i'm sighing and trying not to crash the bus.  i see it and i think, 'THAT's perfection.  God's creation, a sunrise that will go on as long as God wills it'.  and maybe it is.  but it is an ever changing thing.  every morning is a different scenario, though they all look alike to my human eye.  every moment in every sunrise, the whole scene changes in poignant and minute ways.  the pictures i take do no justice whatsoever. how could they, when i'm on a bus trying to take still snaps on a moving vehicle with a camera phone?

today was stressful.  my mom's quiet sorrow that screams louder than the news of my brother's death.  my father being locked and loaded in his course of action, unable to even show his wife kindness and support, not even now, not even with the death of their child.  this confusion, this headache-y, restless, bitter fucked up feeling that i carry and have carried for the past week.  the grief that seems as if it won't end, because there's just more coming, and soon.  how do i get past this?  how do i get my foundation beneath me again?

i tried to eat right, and succeeded until i was asked to take my aunt to the bus station, when all i wanted to do was come home, take a shower, fix some food and go to sleep. i'm tired now.  took something for this neuropathy creeping on me, about to crash.  i can't even find the perfect sleep anymore.  but...gratitude.  a lovely sunrise, my parents alive, my other siblings sad but making it.  that's the deal.  i'm gone...