i believe it was the first time since we separated, and it was interesting. i had woke up at 4 with my alarm, but was not willing apparently to get up and get it shaking. so i fell back asleep. and in 15 minutes, i dreamed that i was at a doctor's appointment, and the doctor was waiting for his staff to come in before he would see me. when his staff came in, i noticed a woman who looked like Rachel. on investigating I found it wasn't her, but Rachel was there. she had put on some weight, had long straight hair and was dressed professionally. i felt my breath catch in my body seeing her. she told the doctor she'd take care of my registration and sat me down and got my information. she told me she'd been okay, that she'd been eating more and had finally 'gotten her weight back'. she gave me a hug, and it felt so good to hold her again. on a sad note, i asked her if she still loved me, and she didn't reply. i waited for her answer, and then i woke up with the question unanswered. or unanswered verbally, anyway.
i miss her, but i'm not dying and i have no plans on it. i have done a bit of work in the past 9 months and i'm not done yet. i got up this morning and changed some things to try to get some manageability on my bladder and bathroom situation. i didn't take my BP pills or my water pill. i didn't drink coffee early nor did i drink much water, only 3 sips. i had breakfast but no coffee. i got through the early runs without a problem as a result, and that tells me the problem is between the pills and the liquids. i'm going to add my Nifedipine back in tomorrow morning and see how i do. i'm going to keep altering until i find the combination that allows me to work without having to run to the bathroom every day. yesterday was a horror show and i am determined not to go through that again. but anyway...
work was better today. at my parent's house i had to clean the driveway because the windstorm blew parts of the tree off, and i got the wifi reset but couldn't order my mother's supplies. i made my meeting, which was very small, and i kept it moving because i had to do the 2nd half of work.
later i took Syd to the store as she had her money in, and i took her to dinner as i didn't feel like cooking this evening. i came home after, though i was thinking about going to Lonnie's house, because the snow was starting to stick and was definitely annoying. doesn't matter, it snows when it snows, but i didn't want to keep driving around in the midst of all these stupid drives. so i'm at home. i've journaled now, i have showered and shaved and i'm ready for the day tomorrow. i thank Jehovah for blessing us with so much, and for putting up with me in so many ways.
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