a friend is gone.

  it's a sad thing when a good person leaves this reality.  it's not something to be taken lightly.  and don't get me wrong.  no death should be taken lightly, in my opinion.  and that's all it is, an opinion, but not one that will get anyone drunk or high, that i know of.  i mean, life is precious, moreso than any other commodity that mankind has placed such value on. because, even more than land, there is only one life you have on this plane.  only one.  you get it, you use it, it's gone and you're gone. and when you're gone, you can only hope that whatever you did meant something to someone somewhere who's still behind. 

Cheryl Saunders-Watkins was my friend.  not a close friend, but definitely more than an acquaintance.  we didn't share deeply at any particular time.  we didn't hang out, didn't break bread unless it was at a function of many recovering addicts.  but Cheryl was the truth.  she didn't shy away from the horror show her life had been, nor the elements of horror that lingered in her recovering life.  she didn't try to become something else in order to appease the gods of pretense and bullshit.  she was who she was.  and she used that, and the 12 steps, to carry a message, the way a message is to be carried. 

one of the last things she told us, last month in fact, was to prepare for her death.  she knew what was going to happen, because she knew, i believe, what she was planning to do, to alleviate the hurting, to bring to an end the pain and the weight of living completely compromised.  i won't go into any details.  they're not needed.  i will only say that i will miss my friend, even though she wasn't coming much to meetings as her health was in a bad decline.  i will miss her sarcasm, her bitterness and her unconditional love.  i will miss her honesty, which is always in short supply in meetings these days.  i'm glad she's not hurting anymore, glad she's not struggling for her next breath. 

i don't have anything to say about me right now.  i'm just trying to honor my friend.  i thank Jehovah for her pain being gone, and i thank Him for allowing me to say good bye, even though at the time i didn't know i was saying it.