anyway, yesterday was a day of rise and fall emotions. it went well enough, and most importantly it ended well enough. how the day ends is, in a big way, more important than how it starts.
i was up on time but not moving fast. i prayed and read and ate, light breakfast, and i got out the door and to work on time. i was tired, i'd taken meds for the gout flare over the weekend and they were taxing me.
we got through the first part of the day, but it was where things went left on me as well. one of our residents has a more acute autism, i imagine. he stays in his world, gestures arcanely with his hands and tends to take up whole bus seats. but he is not particularly difficult, though he can be. i had to stay vigilant with him on the bus as he was a bit grabby, and others with autism don't all like to be touched. i did a good job, kept him in his seat (as he had gotten up once while the bus was moving) and keeping him from putting his hands on anyone else. and when we got to his workshop, we began to unload the ones who can walk first, which is protocol. walkers first, wheelchairs last, keeps order. no one walked in with this individual, though he is a wanderer. there was a sidewalk person out there who should have walked in with him, but she stayed by the wheelchair door. her own supervisor corrected her, but when we dropped off our last person, mine felt it necessary to tell me that i can't just let that individual walk in by themselves. it sat with me through the day, in some anger and even some resentment to be honest. because i walked beside this person when no one would escort him, making certain he didn't take off down the sidewalk or into the bus lane. i made sure he actually went into the workshop. i did my job, but no mention is ever made of that. by the amount of writing, i'm sure you can tell it sticks with me.
anyway, i went to the gym and did weights, and that helped. and i went to my parent's house and made breakfast for everyone, which was cool, and talked to my sister about my daughter. but i got to spend some time with this child, and that was cool too. she helped me hear God, hear what i needed to; that i had done what i was supposed to, regardless of anyone's perception, and that if i hadn't been doing what i was supposed to, things might have been much worse. i'm not special, i'm not important. in the view of most people who are involved in this field, i'm 'just' a bus aide. but i like it, and by Jehovah's grace i'm pretty good at it. and that is enough of that.
last night i cleaned off my back porch of boxes and debris, i had a decent dinner and a treat for dessert, i showered and shaved and i slept well. today is a new day, and i thank Jehovah for bringing me through the night to see it. we'll see how today goes.
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