i was exhausted yesterday, and i was sick as well. i think i mentioned that at some point? anyway, today i got up and got it moving. i made it to work and did the things i had to do in getting the day moving; prayer and meditation, readings and medications. i didn't have breakfast here, but i stopped at McD's on the way to work. Problem. more on that later.
work wasn't bad, but i was still draggy, and the Boss and I weren't really syncing up the way we usually do. i was just out of rhythm in the morning. by the end of the first run i was ready to go somewhere and go to sleep and that's what i did.
at my parent's house i made coffee for my mom and took some sort of nap. i went to take Syd to her appointment and i got some lunch from the Yankee Kitchen. Problem.
i went back to work, got it moving better for having an espresso double shot in the can and knowing the end of the day was near. we were in a much better rhythm by that point and i was pondering the making of a soup. i stopped at the 'Mart on my way home and got stuff to make the soup i was thinking about and to put together a spanish black bean dish as well.
when i got home i got to work almost immediately on the soup. it took me several hours, but i got it made, a black bean and chicken soup with green, red and jalapeno peppers, black beans, corn, red onions, roma tomatoes, garlic cloves and rotisserie chicken. it is quite delicious, i had a bit, and will go very well with some corn bread.
now, the Problem. and, of course, the Re:Solution (right?)
i haven't gone all the way over, but going over to whatever extent is playing with matches while standing in a puddle of gas. for me it is. the drive through lunches, the fast food bullshit, the rationalizations...it's out of control because i'm doing it, period. and some might claim i'm being hard on myself, and they'd be right. but truth is truth. you don't try to control what is in control; you try to control what is outside your control. and the need to try to control something is a great indicator that a thing is already farther gone than you might realize. so i have to stop with the nonsense. i was doing good, and i'm going to do good again. i'm going back to the one day at a time eating and monitoring what goes in my mouth, and logging honestly. that's also one of the easiest ways to know that i'm off-key, the lack of logging at the Dining Room. no need to hide if you're doing nothing wrong, right?
so, i got to get my mind back around it. no more fast food. 3 meals a day. kill these sweets, these carbs. stay in the gym. work to live and live to become. and take it one day at a time.
i titled this as i did, because the Boss, Dee, asked me when i was going to get back to eating properly today. i was stunned...only because i didn't know how to respond to someone caring enough to ask me the obvious question. 'The Emperor has no clothes on!' so, i am grateful to Jehovah for the Boss, for VF, for Lonnie, for my sponsor, for a few others, who have always cared enough to be honest and want what is really best for me. I love you all. i'm done. the Dining Room will resume tomorrow and continue in diligence.
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