start with the basics. i prayed and got up this morning. in no hurry, about 4:12. i went to the kitchen, read my books, took my medicine and had a light breakfast. i put a load of clothes in the wash to be dried when i got home and i left for work. i'd dressed in the shoes and clothes i just got, as i told our clients i was dressing in my 'birthday stuff' today. i got to work early as usual, and waited for the run to start.
today we took a new person with us, to show her some things about aiding on the bus. it was different but nothing we couldn't get through. we made the early runs, got back and i cleaned the seats and swept and mopped the floors in the bus before i left for counseling. i got something from the Bell to nosh on quickly, as i was feeling depleted energy-wise.
Counseling was the first thing. and to backtrack just a hair, yesterday i got the proofs of TO DECEMBER, and i inscribed two of them. one for the Boss, and one for VF. so, i got to counseling, and VF had a lovely coffee mug for me disguised as a bag of coffee. which was nice, and it was lovely, as you can see in the picture. it is vibrant, as my spirit feels these days, and i loved it and will drink coffee from it in the morning.
i then went to my parent's house. my dad was gone but my mom was there and i made her some breakfast and told her i'd bring them some fish dinners later. i left my dad money for rent and i went to get myself some lunch and get back to work.
the afternoon runs were amazing for me.
when we got to the workshop out in Champion, the Boss handed stuff out to the folks to give me for my birthday on Sunday. i will photograph and post this, but it is beyond belief for me. an abundance of shirts, a pair of pants and three cards, one of which went home with a client who shares my name. also shortbread iced cookies, which were extremely thoughtful, as we'd been talking about them on the bus. now, i kinda knew she was listening to me for cues for things as possible presents, and i have been all over the map to keep her from doing that, as i didn't want her to go overboard and realized she has that capacity. but, i am undone, honestly.
see, thing is, i didn't grow up with birthdays. i grew up with contention and strife concerning birthdays, holidays and the like. and, i have sort of yes and sort of no done things on birthdays, for my children especially (mostly Syd, I admit). but as i've gotten older, i think i was more just about the acknowledgment. i didn't want things, per se. i wanted to just be acknowledged as being here, being a part of, being someone important to someone. and more and more, the older i get, the less likely that seemed. the kids, i'd have to curse them out to get a response most often. my recovery friends are pretty much all gone, a handful remain. and it's not the biggest deal in the world. there are whole colonies starving, ravaged by war, people in the midst of huge turmoils. i am not important at all in the big picture, and i know that.
but, a group of individuals who appreciate the small things, kindness, love, respect, attention, time, reciprocity, empathy, intelligence in response to their existence...they have shown me kindness, they have shown me that i matter to them. they do every day. and it means the world to me. i will not short change that at all. my driver does too. my counselor does too. my friends who remain do too.
i could, as i've stated to someone today, go to sleep now, wake on Monday, and feel that i missed nothing at all. i'm not ever afraid of getting older. i just don't want to be disregarded. and today, i am not.
i thank Jehovah for allowing me such an abundance of love today.
The Dining Room
No comments:
Post a Comment