it's sunday evening now. i have had a good day but i have things on my mind that i have to process. started on this yesterday and moving forward now on my thoughts. no conclusions yet.
the routine first. i was up and feeling better, gout-wise. not 100% but way better than yesterday. so gout meds and neuropathic meds were in the mix this morning, and i took my regulars and said my prayer and ate and read and was feeling pretty good. wait, i didn't read today. that is right, i jumped into fixing my breakfast and moved on from there.
i did take a shower eventually, got ready for my meeting, but i wasn't rushing through the day. i was just taking my time. before i went to the meeting i put a load of clothes in the wash. the meeting was good, short chapter, long discussion. then to my parent's house, where my family gathered. my baby sister and her husband and child and dog were in town and we were eating there, as her s.o. likes to cook for people. i got to see my nephew and nieces and some of the great nephews and nieces, and that was cool. ate, conversated and moved it out toward home.
i'm going to get my clothes from the dryer, fix this TV cord and see if it works, put my clothes away, get myself ready for shut down and work tomorrow. that's the overview of the day.
now, the mind-state.
on friday, i had company. anonymous for now. someone i'd come to think about in terms of more intimate company. she came over as she said she had time and i acknowledged i'd enjoy her company. she ate and we talked and i put forth the positive notion i got at the thought of dating her, and she seemed pleased with that. but, and i did speak on this, she has a lot of stuff she is working on, and a lot of stuff that she needs to and isn't at the moment. my history in that kind of interaction is a desire to fix a person, and i can't do that anymore. i DON'T do that anymore. and i suggested that we can definitely spend time but i don't want her to become someone that i 'work on'. we were on those terms, but we ended up far more intimate than friends would indicate.
i take responsibility for that. my house, my environment, my speaking on why we should maintain a level of being beneficial without 'benefits', so to speak. i could make all kinds of excuses, each with a degree of truth in them, but i won't. the thing is, i know it's not something that i regret, but it is something i should not have done. she is good people with some good things down the road. i don't want to become any kind of deterrent for that, nor do i want to end up on the outside of friendship with her due to my own mental state right now.
i am praying on it, and i am thinking it over. i'll let you know as i know. but i'm still grateful for the friendship, and i'm not regretting anything in large degrees.
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