yesterday was harsh, the day before was too. compounded emotional upheaval. Wednesday saw the operations manager at my job put out on the curb like some non-rent-paying ghetto dweller. i fear time grows short at PCS, and i need to prepare for such an event. but to prepare now? it might not be possible. I went through yesterday with two fronts in my brain; apprehension and sorrow. strange, my depression has not kicked in yet, and i thank Jehovah for that. out of one fog of this sort and into another? likely a bit much.
making the soup helped. very good reviews so far. i've gotten much better at it, but i know i've a long way to go. i have nothing conventional in my repertoire, so i have to stay inventive. not the worst thing in the world to be sure.
Rachel and i talk often, daily. no physical contact. i won't initiate this time. i am content with someone i love to fill moments in my life. but i'll ask the hard questions soon enough. i won't put her on a pedestal of any kind, but again, i thank Jehovah that i have someone in my life at this time when i really need to stay anchored.
my parents are sad about Johnnie as well. at the meeting Wednesday, i saw a lot of surprise on a few faces, and the sadness that set in on those who did care about him. i heard the voice of the imbecilic as well, the ones who will bloat and bray with no true knowledge of what he tried to give them because they were dazzled by the package the message was delivered in, and never really paid much attention to the message. but isn't that always the way?
the weight is coming down. i don't feel a need to change. i'm not craving sweets, and the urge to cram a fistful of chips in my gullet is pretty low as well. i had popcorn yesterday, and it was good but i am not going to live there either. going to get more fruit this week, start moving in that direction.
time to get dressed, time to get going. i am grateful to Jehovah for everything. and into the fog i go...
The Dining Room
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