no, i'm not sad, didn't have a bad experience yesterday. i had, in fact, a very nice visit, and i'll tell you about it. but you toss a coin, until it falls it's both heads and tails, and only when it lands does the 50/50 percentage end. some people won't understand that. it's cool.
so, as stated, i cleaned my downstairs, i went to my parents house and got stuff bagged up from my dad's banquet. i came home and made salad and baked the burgers in the oven. and i went to open my door so Rachel could just come in the house when she got here...and she was already on my porch. she'd rang the doorbell, but i hadn't heard it. i was very glad to see her, but i stopped her as she was just over the threshold, pointed out the blessing that VF gave me that hangs by the front door, and i told her, 'there is peace here. it was a home of peace when my grandparents lived here and it lost it when they died and others moved in. i have worked hard to restore it and though i'm not done, there is peace here. you are welcome to it while you're here, and please take it with you when you go'. then i gave her a hug.
we talked, we ate. we had moments tense and moments strange. we had moments of laughing and moments of reluctance. the only real static was over 'the girl behind the glass', but that's okay. i wanted to kiss her, but i didn't try and didn't ask. i told her that i was thankful for her friendship, and that if that was all there was it was more than enough. a year and a half away creates that understanding, when you really miss someone. i gave her a meditation book, a piece of cake and a $40 and some change gift card to Red Lobster. she brought me two large bags of frozen blueberries and two bags of split peas. she's lost a lot of weight, i've put on quite a bit. it was like old times for people learning who they're becoming. nothing wrong with that. she stayed about 5 hours, and it was like no time had passed at all. i cleaned my kitchen, prepped chicken for today and it was a good investment of personal energy. when she was gone, i felt good. and, as David Byrne one sang, 'nothing is better than that...is it?'
that's heads.
tails would be, earlier in the day i'd sent a text to Johnnie, my sponsor, of my request to visit on sunday (today) after the meeting. i hadn't gotten a response by the time Rachel got here. when i did get one, it was in a very sad way. Nancy sent a text that Johnnie is now in a hospice. he's been in pain and discomfort, and he is apparently getting weaker. some of it is just the need for more care as his condition worsens. i am not buying more meaning than is really there. i'm going to go see him when i get out of the meeting today. that's all there is to that. but, it made my heart heavy. and it made me think, today, about how things transpire, how things tend to move about the board of chess in the game of life, and how in the end, you never really get far from the place you started. i mean, a woman named Kris died last week, week before. she was one of the first people i met in CA back in '88, as she was Johnnie's girlfriend then. haven't seen her in years and years. the last place i saw her was the last place Johnnie lived before he moved to the home he has now, which was in the apartments that Syd and Joe live in now with my grandson. the SAME BUILDING, in fact, though Johnnie lived on the bottom floor. now, my grandson, Timothy, an actual baby, is growing up physically in the building where i began growing up mentally and spiritually. and i find that strangely apropos. endings, beginnings, continuations, reiterations, redefinitions, all types of movement of mind, spirit and heart. what could be better than that?
i am grateful and sad, and i thank Jehovah God for the awareness of both, and for knowing that neither is truly permanent in this world.
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