you ever just...kinda not know what to do with yourself?
it's saturday. it's just about 1pm when i'm writing this. an update is in order. i've done good so far today. i prayed, i read, i medicated. i ate breakfast. i cleaned. i went to my parent's house, bagged up the remains from my dad's banquet yesterday and got her bills paid for her. brought home some protein. i texted Lonnie a happy 50th birthday, texted my sponsor that i wanted to come by tomorrow instead of today, and just made a salad. i'm about to cut up veggies as burger toppings and take a shower.
a lot for a saturday.
at 2pm, approximately, Rachel will be by for a visit. the nature is not known. her intent is not known. my reaction/response is not known. what i am able to say is it will be the first time in over a year i will see her face. the first time in over a year i will hear her voice in person. the first time...
i remember the first time i ever saw her. my heart always feels the same. i guess, even if this is a 'clearing away the wreckage of the past' visit, i will still be grateful to know that a dopefiend's heart can grow and change to the extent that it can love outside of itself, time and again, and to such a magnitude in some cases that it can not encompass one more love. i think that's the power of God's healing, the power of His spirit, which is love, and the power of the program in action.
Time, minus 68 minutes, to be exact at the moment of this typing.
thank you, Father, for showing me the door.
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