the Constant...

 time has its way with us, with all of us.  that is the sad thing about life in this world today. 

i didn't write yesterday because i spent most of the time after work at the hospital, watching the young man (not the child) on an intubated ventilator, and waiting outside as they removed his tubing and put him on oxygen and waited for him to die.  he was only about 25, and he was riddled with cancer.  once he lived with me, along with his mother and two brothers and two sisters.  that was the only time i knew him.  he was a rambunctious child, from a house steeped in the waters of his mother's bad relationship at the time.  he always had the smile though.

i had a good day starting out, and a good day ending.  the start was humid (as it is now), and i woke in a hot house.  i'll have to do something about that.  i had toast with peanut butter for breakfast.  i prayed and read and took my medicines.  i got to work to find the doors were locked because the woman who opens didn't have her keys.  i rode out with the Boss in the morning and a guy named Bob who will be a driver.  it was good getting back into my rhythm as an aide.  it is truly what i enjoy, but it's not going to last, not there.  in the afternoon i rode with a woman named Sherry (guessing at the spelling) in preparation for a route i will drive for most of the summer. 

i made my mother coffee, i made she and my father breakfast.  i got a wrap from subway and went to my meeting.  a lot of people there.  we got our rent money from the 7th tradition and i did the paperwork, got the rent in an envelope and got both to the people who would tend to them while i got back to work. 

i took Syd home from the hospital (it was her cousin who passed, her aunt's son, her mother's nephew) and we ate at BK.  my son is apparently overcome with grief.  their sister is posting a lot of stuff concerning his passing on FB, concerning her emotional state.  there is a lot of sadness, and i understand it, but i am seeing it at a bit of a distance. 

i hate that so young a man has left this world, but when i got to his room at the hospital, i could only bow my head and pray, and ask Jehovah to tend to his spirit according to His will.  peace is to be prayed for, a cessation of pain is everyone's desire.  hearing his mother pleading with him to wake up was very sad. 

you realize, after a point, that this doesn't end.  as you get older, it just gets closer to you, closer to your own home, but it always goes on.  i know, i guess i'm saying, that there is a 'next time', that someone else i know or love will be gone soon enough.  and that's the constant now.  but there are other constants as well. 

appreciate what you have, and if you don't learn to.  cherish a person enough to keep creating memories, because the gaps in time don't fill themselves.  and try to love no matter what, no matter how heavy a burden it will be at the end of the road, because some things just have to be carried. 

thank you, Father, for watching over your child.