a strange day, but it is getting close to time for me to be moving on from Person Centered Services, i believe. more on that in a bit.
this is Friday. i woke from a very deep sleep to very deep sleepiness. but i got up, i had my readings and my medicines and my breakfast. i put clothes away, i got dressed and i got my ass to work. i did the pre-trip inspection myself today, and i drove out for our first runs. i missed one turn, not even a bad miss, while we were doing our pick ups, and i made a wrong turn in Niles heading back to the shop, but that was alright; the clients were all at their workshops and i know how to get out of downtown Niles...eventually.
anyway, i went to counseling. it was an insightful session, as i was made to look at the way i resist healing at times, and how it maybe manifests itself in my picking at scabs and never just allowing them to heal. i also spoke on Brian, an old amigo from the early CA days in this area. how i am sad that he's gone but i was not a fan of his later years, as he abandoned the recovery rooms for a so-called 'normal' life. but as i reflect on it now, what is so wrong with wanting some normalcy? i keep thinking about the end of 'The Elephant Man', where he died because just once he wanted to sleep without a mountain of pillows, like a 'normal' man. is normalcy worth dying for? i can't answer that. but i guess it's worth sacrificing the work of a recovery program for, because an awful lot of us do that these days.
anyway, i went to my parent's house, hung out there, got a call from work about possibly doing a part-time route in addition to my aiding duties and i rode shotgun on that to learn what the run entails. it is a pickup and delivery of 2 individuals for now. i think i'm going to accommodate it, but i can see the end much more clearly now. we are foundering, we have overreached and are being smacked around for our perfidy. and there's not much of a damn thing we can do about it. but those are the problems of some much more invested in this show than i am. i just want to keep moving in a good direction until i can't move anymore. that's just about my desire today.
anyway, i'm supposed to do breakfast with TP tomorrow. i elected not to aid TF in the rental of another vehicle this week. just didn't seem like a thing to do. i want to relax, maybe grill some shit tomorrow and just enjoy my time off. will that be possible? only my Heavenly Father knows for sure, but i thank Him for this day drawing to its close now.
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