there are times when i wonder if maybe i'm just a closet masochist. that would explain so much.i got an email yesterday. i was exhausted from a lack of sleep on sunday, and struggled to get through the day. the email said there was an update on Rachel's facebook page, that she'd added an image.
i never went through my old pages and removed people. i have pages that i don't use, pages that i barely visit and one that i'm currently addicted to. the update came through a 'barely visit' page. so i looked it up and there was this picture of her.
now, on one hand, i know she's okay, because this was from sunday. i'm glad about that, and i thank Jehovah for letting me know.
on the other hand, other than a sighting of her in her mother's car a couple times last year, this is the first time i've seen her since July, and i am quite undone, though i continue to function. again, i thank Jehovah. but it really makes me wonder about learning.
i still love her. but i'm not doing anything, don't worry. i just have to process the feelings that this evokes for me.
meanwhile, i pray and i read, i work and i conceptualize this screenplay i'd like to get done. it's been a good first part of the workday and i hope it continues. i'm not going to visit her, though i am sending her a birthday card, as i always have. i've just got to remember...life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone, as Mr. Mellencamp once sang. and it's true.
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