Weekend Update

it's about a quarter after five, Monday morning.  all the morning things are done and i'm waiting to go to work, start a new week.  i didn't write yesterday, though it was on my mind, so i figured a recap to begin the week is not a bad idea, in the few minutes i have left.

i guess part of it was there wasn't a whole lot that went on.  i had a power outage on Saturday, but so did most of the east side of Mahoning county apparently.  i had my brother by for dinner, grilled some burgers and sausages, and i got a couch for Syd and Joe but i have to get it delivered to them.  that was Saturday, no big deals.  Sunday wasn't much more involved than that.  i prayed, did my usual morning stuff, was up earlier than i'd have liked to have been but programming is what it is.  i went to the CA meeting but not to the Hall, didn't go see my parents either.  i called them several times over the course of Saturday's passing, and i found out yesterday that my mother wasn't even home on Saturday.  but i didn't go over, that was the point.  i made chili and corn bread for dinner.  i watched some anime, i talked to some people that i had been neglecting because i know there's not a lot of time left.  i debated on a shower but that didn't happen until this morning, and that's okay too. 

how i feel?  i'm not sure.  right now, i'm weary still.  the loneliness has become a part of me again, and that's good and not good simultaneously.  i don't like it, but when it's a part of me it's not unbearable.  it's like carrying my own weight rather than carrying my weight AND having another me on my shoulders.  too much. 

my new friend asked me to come to some kind of religious event downtown, but i laid in my bed instead.  part depression, part just not wanting to lead someone to thinking church is going to be my thing, cause it's not. 

i think i'd like to meet someone completely new.  someone not on my current radar, someone who was into some art stuff and who didn't mind talking about hypotheticals and spiritual shit.  that would be nice. until then, however, i may have a new run today, i won't know for sure til i get to work.  i am planning for Columbus for the weekend, but Syd i suppose could deliver any time now.  right around the corner and i've no real affect yet.  i guess maybe i felt more from the Syd raising thing than i've allowed myself to acknowledge.  regardless, time has passed, this is what time it is now. 

i am grateful, Jehovah, for another day of life.