the crazies

things change, and as they change they become lessons.  in counseling today, VF said that 'nothing is scarier than change'.  i'm inclined to agree, in the overview.  i believe most humans are terrified of something new taking them out of their comfort zone.  but there has to be more to it than that.  there has to be something that says 'change might be just the thing I need to get away from all  this shit i'm constantly sitting in'.  at least, i'm hoping so.

today's journey has been different in subtle ways.  i got my prayer in, and i slept very good last night, but I was up early anyway.  I had breakfast before Syd left for school.  I wrote some and worked on my cover picture some, and my dad called and said their heat was off as there was a leak somewhere in the gas line, and he asked if I'd come by and go to the store for heaters for them.  I told him i'd come by after counseling and i did.  at counseling i tried to verbalize what has changed in me over the past couple of days, but i wasn't able to with any great success.  all i could seem to get out was that it is a spiritual journey, that things are happening and that i need to be more mindful of what I allow to come inside me at any given time.  but it was a good session.
i went to my parent's house and saw my dad and mom and i went to the store for heaters for them, for a rotissere chicken for my mom and a few things for the house.  i took the heaters back and came home.  i've been here since.

i ate pretty well today, an omelet for breakfast, soup and a sandwich for lunch and two burger patties, a salad and more soup for dinner.  i am full, i feel pretty good.  i don't feel an urge to fill my face with things just to assuage a hunger that is more emotional than it could possibly be physical.
I talked to my friend Felecia today, am working on editing her book that she's working on writing.  it was good to speak to her, it's been a while.  but i have been worried about her state of mind and i was right in my fears.  she's undergone bariatric surgery and has lost an abundance of weight but she is not yet over her crazy and her life is just as insane as before.  i spoke of my concern and she gave me the finger so i know we're still friends.  i am glad to be working on something by someone else.  i still want to publish.  i told VF today that if I ever do make it as a writer, if i'm ever financially successful, i will make a way for new writers to get published without having to jump through burning hoops for no reward.  i think that's a worthwhile goal.

i am tired, but i've got things to do.  cleaning tomorrow, and seeing to the conclusion of Old Lazarus.  i am glad to be alive, and i thank Jehovah for that blessing.