Lemons

it's funny, sometimes you have to go deep into the shit to find the nutrients you only swallowed but never chewed up, broke down and digested so they could do you some good.  and as horrible as that may sound, what's worse is that you then have to wipe them off, chew them up, break them down and digest them or they still won't do you any good.  waste not, want not.  it's like the cliche 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'.  my uncle George used to take it further for me and its one of those god-things i should keep at the forefront of my mind.  he'd say, 'life gives you lemons, and they say make lemonade, but they don't say that life gives you water or sugar.  so if all life gives you is lemons, eat the lemons.  eat them, suckle them, savor them sour or not, so that when life gets around to giving you oranges and apples and grapes, you'll appreciate them all the more because you'll remember when all you had were lemons'.  isn't that much more poignant, more powerful?

wednesday was good.  i got to the gym.  i ate better.  i wrote like a fiend.  gout was and is still on me, but i got around.  i got to the store, got some things in case we get another big snow.  i got a text from R on tuesday night, asking if i'd rsvp'd for her mom's book club meeting with an author.  she said she thinks about me every day and asked how i am. it made me feel good.  i told her i hadn't rsvp'd because i really was only going to be with her.  and that i was feeling better and that i was thinking about her more.  i saw SL, coaxed a sweet kiss from her and gave her food.  she called me later to tell me that she valued my friendship and wanted to stay there.  i am very cool with that.  i thought about it through the night, though.  why would i go further?  loneliness?  rebound?  hostage mode activated?  she's a sweet girl, something about her both innocent and guilty as fuck.  but she's good people.  i can always use another friend.  lemons to eat are good at warding off scurvy and a vitamin c deficiency.  as good as oranges.
i don't know what i'm doing today.  need a cover for Old Lazarus.  need to do some paperwork.  but i wanted to get this done and forgot earlier and now it's done.  thank you Father for love and motion.