oy...

well, i have survived day one.  and 'survived' is not an exaggeration.

prayed and chilled, since i got up waaay too early.  wanted to hit the gym, but my back has been in agony since saturday and is showing little sign of abating.  so i took trash to the dumpster, got a printout to the JCC center for ML to finish my re-app, and i came back home.  had coffee, sugar was good waking so i took insulin and meds and had breakfast.  i left early enough to find the trumbull county metropolitan housing, and i got to class early as well.  then there came the first day of the training.

first, its not so much job training as certification training.  so there's no pay.  the starting time is 8 but it ends at 430, not 5 because they close at 430 and we have to get in 40 hours this week.  i participated, as sleepy and irritable as i was.  most of the information i knew but a lot of it showed me where many of the weaknesses the recovery programs have been adapting have come from.  this is not so much a recovery movement as an endorsement of a person's right not to have to follow tried and true directions, as well as an undermining of the 12 Traditions.  but i just have to learn to drive the damn car.  10 and 2, 10 and 2.

by the end, sitting was rough, standing was rough, driving was rough.  had to stop at kmart for printer ink.  that was rough.  finally got home, after i stopped at kfc for something disgusting that i didn't want.  but i didn't have the energy to stand and cook anything.  so i'm kind of ruling the gym out until this is done, or until i can get my back to stop screaming at me.

it's hot, in my room.  i soaked in a hot tub of epsom and i took 3 tylenol and i'm feeling a bit better.  had a gout flare trying to start.  drank some black cherry concentrate, i'll take my meds in the morning.  getting old sucks ass.  but i'm grateful.  i know what i know, i'll learn what i don't and i have a great deal of practice in tolerating people whom i found irksome.  it's not the best attitude, but it lets me keep my hands at 10 and 2, and that's what i'm striving for right now.  thank you, Jehovah, for endurance and ears that work.