Better Day

i kind of enjoyed today.  i can't say it was perfect, but i can say i did better with the things i needed to do than i have previously.  that matters a lot when you're doing course correction.
i got up and prayed and went to the gym.  i did weights and did some time on the elliptical, then i came home.  i had breakfast after i took my meds.  i dozed in and out until it was time to go do my membership renewal.  i got that done, went to the store to get stuff for dinner.  made sloppy joes for syd and her friend, and i got stuff for a chicken stir fry for myself.  i had a two egg omelet with broccoli and cauliflower and cheese and a piece of toast for breakfast and i had soup and a salad and the last salmon patty for lunch.  i went to the Lane funeral home and met with the lady who's in charge of funeral planning.  i didn't get much information that was helpful as to green burial but i did get a good notion of cremation, and it would be budgetable.  i made my way home, sat down talking to Lonnie about some other funeral information he was finding online.  i got a text from TF asking if i would make soup for her as she's not been eating.  go figure.  i said sure, and i went over to get the funds to get the soup stuff.  i got back, worked on her soup and my dinner and got the soup ready.  i'm waiting now for her to come and pick it up.

there is a very heavy vibe to going through the beginnings of planning for your dying.  i am pretty much able to maintain my objectivity, but only by slipping into the gloves of one of the persons i've used inside me to cope in certain situations.  i was humorous, and i joked, but i was really feeling kind of sad, thinking about being at the point in my life of no longer being on earth.  i thought about what i would have to leave my children, about why i'm really trying to sell these damn books, so that i will have something of value that Syd and Deja can hold on to from me.  but really, it doesn't matter.  i'll be dead, either ashes or wormfood, and Syd and Deja will hopefully be behind me in that process.  so what is it, really?  all the expense, all the legalities.  if you don't do it by the book or by the law, you're still dead.  funny.  humans charge for things they have no control over.  charge for clean water, and arrest you for collecting rain water.  we're a sick species, to be sure.

tomorrow i've a meeting, and i'm going to take my cousin to lunch.  i have rent and bills to pay.  i have couches to put on the curb and couches to bring from the back apartment to my own.  it's going to be a busy day.  no gym.  i think hauling heavy furniture will be workout enough.  i hope R is doing okay today.  thank you, God, for all the blessings and the serenity.