well, this is a curious crossroads i'm at.
you learn, if you pay attention, that there are more than one reality that you live in at any given time. because though your life is the primary life you are living, you are always also living a piece of someone else's life as well. it's the nature of interdependancy. unless you live in complete isolation, cut off from every other human, you are influenced by and are an influence upon, every other living being you come in contact with. and even in complete isolation, you were born, you have parents, and at some point they bore a great deal of the psychic weight that became part of your own conscious life. so you can't get away from it.
i am not doing well. i have allowed those interdependent struggles to define and undermine my internal progress. i am acknowledging this because the time for change is nigh.
but i think the corner is about to be turned.
i don't want to go into detail about it, because thus far that's felt mostly like i'm whistling in the dark. suffice it to say, i have allowed my spirit to be hijacked again, right under my nose, which is how it always happens. i will go more into detail once i get my ass back in gear, within the next 48 hours.
thank you, Father, for showing me how to get the answers by cleaning my house. later.
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