i can say that it's been emotional for me, last couple of days. i lost a client to another company, and it's not the losing of the client so much as the stark realization that it is truly only about the money now. the well-being of the developmentally disabled is not what it's about, and no one will ever be able to lie to me in that way. it's about access to more and more federal money. and each client that anyone has is just a chip, a casino coin representing a certain amount of cash. knowing this is not new; experiencing losing a friend that i've known since i came to work for PCS is a whole different matter.
then there's the return of the cold, even though it's temporary for the season. it's cold this morning and my body is resisting activity on that basis. i know that's the problem at the moment. i've not yet been able to turn the heat all the way down, and that's really sucking right about now. i don't want to migrate to the western states; i don't want to go where nobody knows my name. but i would like to have a week of consistency. but i've no right to ask Nature to do anything. most of this is due to us fucking up the ozone and the atmosphere around the earth. we throw shit out of whack and then complain that it's fucked up.
not much dialog with Rachel, but that's not unexpected. have been speaking more to Syd and Deja, and that's nice. money is kinda tight right now, and the search for a car must move forward. but i am not feeling too bad despite any of this. eating well, exercising more and thinking on things in the coming day. i thank God for a lack of worry and for needs that are tended to. thank you for the day, Father.
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