Fuck the Fourth AND the Fifth of May...

there are things that i just can't abide by, even now.  i try hard not to judge, not an individual, not a world.  but i do, because individuals can be duplicitous, and the world is a sad, sick place that can fuck a person up without even trying hard.  i'm weary of most things, honestly.  so when i say fuck the 4th and the 5th, the sentiment and motivation are the same for them both.  individuals who slavishly walk behind whatever is trending at the moment.  may the fourth.  star wars freaks, some way to have some kind of mutual identity, rather than simply being oneself.  a moment of surrendering an individual identity for the privilege of being a part of the slow moving non-thinking herd.  and it seems innocent, it seems innocuous, until you realize that almost every day on the current social calendar is a day that brings 'awareness' to something or other, every month there's some commemorative day that you've likely never heard of, 96 percent of the time, and yet you are under the mores and mentality of the herd who fall under that day's onus.  pretty bizarre to me. 

far as May 5th goes, Cinco de Mayo. a Mexican independence day that americans commemorate by drinking too much, eating americanized Mexican dishes and pretending that sombreros and panchos are not offensive to Mexican people.  the greater irony is the grand hypocrisy of it in the last 3 years, with this stupid fuck rousing the other stupid fucks in a chorus of 'build the wall', giving vent to the inherent racist tendencies of the american whites against anyone who is not of that mongrel tribe, wanting to keep them out of this country, but yet let's eat tacos and drink shots of tequila and pretend for just one moment that we are cartoon Mexicans, like Speedy Gonzales or, God help us, the Frito bandito (remember that racist shit?)  only in america can a culture be appropriated and its people be villainized all in one fell swoop on one day in May. 

yeah, i judge.  and i don't want to, but i do.  because it makes me want to not bother with the world, not bother with people.  and i have to get past and over that, because that kind of thinking really is not healthy for me. 

so.  Friday was an easy day.  nothing too out of the ordinary.  work was typical, i'm still dealing with patience in the car resolution, counseling was productive.  i had a plan for yesterday, Saturday, and i got parts of it done, but i'm still not motivated toward a block of creativity.  i am writing on my book, though, and i am listening more to what is being said around me, because a lot of that is material for either this story or the next one.  i've seen my parents and will see them again today as we're having dinner at their house.  today is Rachel's and TF's birthday, and they both should have gotten the cards i sent them.  i know Rachel did, anyway. 

I'm tired but i have to get up now.  need a shower and shave, have to get my car loaded after i make sure i've gathered everything i need for our dinner tonight.  i feel okay otherwise.  i thank my heavenly Father for the blessing of another day of life.