remembering what i never knew

...this is a card from one of the clients that i drive, or drove as of last week, when my route changed once again.  it had a gift card in it from DD, and it says that i was a great bus driver. it means a lot to me, so much so that i'm going to keep it.  it makes me feel good, as the young man who gave it to me didn't speak too much, and often seemed very moody and without affect, so i couldn't really give him much feedback on the things he seemed to be going through. but to find out that i did my job well enough...that means a lot.  it really does.

Monday is winding itself down now.  i'm tired from yesterday's travel and events, but i can't not get this stuff done.  i've shaved, and i might just shower in the morning, that would be okay.  i've got my shorts and tee shirt on, and i'm working on my dinner now.  i cleaned out some of my back seat today, and i'll do some more this week.  i have a lunch scheduled with Syd tomorrow afternoon.  some things are well, some things are just in limbo.  but yesterday...wow.  what a day.  what a come down.

the drive itself was murder.  i'm just not really up for that anymore.  i'm not sure what exactly i would do if i were actually trying to live in my car, from area to area, working to get my name out as far as my writing goes.  Lonnie was also exhausted from the road. it happens.  but it made driving today an absolute chore.  got through it though, and the new route makes it easier, as its a single route and right now the hardest client, work-wise, is on vacation for the next 2 weeks. 

i have been thinking about the service yesterday, though.  i am thinking that Jehovah's Witnesses have a different take on the rituals of dying, since their view of death is so bare bones different from other religions i've encountered.  but they did honor to my brother as one of their family, and they spoke of the hope of the resurrection, which i could relate to.  they spoke of some of my brother's characteristics, which i didn't know about many of them. i didn't know, for example, that my brother loved to cook.  i don't know why that surprises me, but it did.  and it made me cry a little.  i've never cooked with my brother. i've cooked FOR 3 of my four brothers, and all my sibs have at one time or another eaten my food.  but how nice it would have been to work in a kitchen next to my brother.  and it made me wonder what other things did i not know about him?  i knew he loved music, i knew he loved certain kinds of reading.  whatever i didn't know, i'll never know now. and that is a sad, sad thought.

regardless, my dad's thing is saturday.  another thing i did yesterday was speak to my father, and again assure him that i know grief is very difficult for him.  guess it's not so important to maintain anger or even just tactical silence.  none of it will ease any of our grief; none of it will bring Rob back.

so, i'm going to wrap this up, get my ass through dinner and start shutting it down to be ready for tomorrow.  i thank Jehovah for this day, and i'll try to stay consistent.