today is Sunday, it is Easter in the conventional world. the so-called holiest day of the year. but it's really just another day, another excuse to eat stuff and pretend that love is the undercurrent of humanity. Sri Lanka just had a bombing in churches this morning. Love, man, love.
yesterday i tried. i really did. i wanted to have some company, i wanted to get some things done, i wanted to enjoy my last whole day off before i had to start getting ready for work, which is what sundays are to me. Friday i'd issued an invite to Rachel which didn't get any real response, so i didn't even bother yesterday. i went to the store, got a card for a new member of the meeting we have today, got some snack stuff and went to BK and came home. i cooked a crock pot of lima beans, which are very tasty, thank you very much. i swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom and i wrote a song and did some writing on my new book. all good stuff. then i was on my ass. watching tv, watching videos, just fucking around. it's what i do a lot of the time. it would be nice to have someone to converse with, feedback ideas and thoughts from and off of, but i don't have that. so i work from the parameters of my own consciousness. and while that is sometimes spacious, loneliness tends to shrink mental space considerably. or age does, or both do together. anyway, that was the day.
today, i've washed and dried a load of clothes. i'm going to do this meeting. i'm coming home to grill some meats, and to make my dinner. i've got some more writing to do. and then i'm going to shower, shave and sleep and get up at 4am to start my real life again. and it will be back to the grind, and that's cool too. the break was needed, it was welcome, but it was lonely. and i'm not ungrateful. it cost me a week's pay to have a week off work. that's my current reality. but i'll make up the money soon enough. for now, i just have to keep moving forward. i know this book is going to be great, in a storytelling sense, in a literature dimension. i know the disc i put out to accompany it is going to be nice, and the philosophy it eschews will be both mind-gripping and ass shaking. that's the goal. and i'm going to get all this done while the weather is warm. but there is still death, there is still loneliness. there is still the presence within my body that has to be dealt with. and there is still faith that things are going to work out. that's what matters the most. thank you, Father, for a new day.
No comments:
Post a Comment