Quiet Productivity? Maybe...

it's wednesday evening.  i'm tired, reasons outside my easy comprehension.  i'll live through it.  this is going to be an early evening.  i'm not going to try to do anything more than i have to do tonight.  it's been one of those days.  not bad, though.  just tiring and tiresome.

i didn't write yesterday.  there was nothing eventful about the day, i just didn't write on it.  i didn't do much, ate too much, pondered a situation at work that's not worth repeating here.  but otherwise, just mundane blah-ness.  there are days like that.  more than i like to think about, to be honest.

today, though, was okay.  i have to admit, i enjoy spending time with my grandson and my daughter.  the young man is a study in human behavior.  he is fairly happy, though you get the sense he is thoughtful as fuck.  he watches, he analyzes and he decides.  he's very existentialistic, but i come to the conclusion that most babies must be.  i think babies just learn about the nature of the universe they occupy until adults start forcing their focus onto useless bullshit.  then they become human do-ings, rather than spirits trying on skin to see how it fits.  but it was a nice visit.  i brought him some fries, brought Syd a small iced coffee and myself a regular coffee.  we talked and i played with him and eventually i went back to work, but meeting time was first.  i was a bit irritable at the meeting, hunger may have been part of it but more just being older and cranky.  rather not make excuses.  our reading was on Tradition 1 and two individuals took it upon themselves to speak way off topic.  and i corrected them in my comment, but was there a reason to?  it was a small reason, if there was any at all.  need to check that in myself. 

i took my day meds and i'll have to take my night shit before i shut it all the way down.  i'm done writing my songs, i've started work on my book and i feel creative, though still unmotivated.  i don't know how such a combination has come in to being, but life will have to go on.  likely this weekend i'll begin working more in earnest, with some recording time, some arranging time and some writing time.  and in between try to get some time with some kind of company.  that would be nice, but i don't count too much on it.  i called Rachel today but didn't get an answer.  there's no point hanging any great hopes upon her, that's not really fair to her and not even very smart of me to do so.  i have to just prepare to work, toward the goal i've set for me, and see where it takes me.

two more days of work.  it's going to be okay, all of it, by Jehovah's grace.  thank you, Father, for perspective and love.