nonetheless, i am up, and i am grateful. this has been a weekend of ups and downs. last i wrote was Friday morning, and I was planning on updating that evening, but the weather had me near sleep through most of the day. had everyone i knew feeling the same way, in fact. i got through the work day, barely. everything in me was wanting to call off, but i kept it moving. i missed a cue from a client, the one wheelchair transport i have. he doesn't usually ride on Fridays, and we have a signal that if the front house lights are on, he's riding and if they're off he's not. well, it was Friday, on Thursday he and his father and i exchanged 'weekend salutations', and the lights were on the front of the house. i didn't stop, because it was a total moment of 'what the fuck??' for me. but he got brought in later, and we all apologized to each other. mixed messages that started on Thursday and went on through Friday. then the new gas cap on my bus didn't want to open, and i almost pissed myself literally, trying to get the damn thing off. fun fun fun. the evening was calm enough, and i was ready for Saturday's events.
i'd volunteered to do an earth day thing with the Ops Mgr of my place of employment, around Wick Park on Saturday. it was an attempt at something different; change begets change, and i have nothing else really going on on the weekends these days. i was up, half-heartedly trying to talk my way out of going, but not having an issue with showing up except for the cold. i talked to Rachel and coerced an invitation to her house for coffee before going to the park, to make sure she was okay and to change her rhythm a bit. my mom called while i was talking to Rachel, and when i called her back she asked if i could come by and cook breakfast for her and my father and dinner for the next two days. my mom took a tumble on Thursday, hit her head, and she is now pretty uneasy about getting around the house, it seems. precedence is precedence. i texted my boss, apologized and told her what was going on. i had coffee at Rachel's and talked her into coming with me and cooking a meal for them for Saturday. we hung over there for awhile; i fed my parents breakfast, Rachel also, and i made their Sunday dinner and Rachel fixed a pasta dish for them for Saturday evening. then i took Rachel to do her thing and i went back home. i did no writing, no music shit, but i felt okay with the choices i'd made that day.
Sunday, i went to breakfast with Marc, did my meeting, checked on my mother, texted my oldest brother, got my stove cleaned out (thanks again, Lonnie), watched some anime and chilled. did a load of clothes. i talked to Rachel in the evening, and she is not doing so good. thinking a lot, and her thoughts are not kind toward herself and she is taking them to heart. it is not a good thing for her, but no one can control what another person thinks, especially about themselves. she may withdraw soon, but at least she texted back good morning today. meanwhile, i am worried about her. i don't have an answer for her. i can only make suggestions, try to be here if she needs me and keep trying to work on my own issues, which are varied and do demand my attention.
that's a lot, i know. but i have to get it down, because the ride of the week is about to start. i've gotten up, prayed, shaved, showered, medicated, read my scriptures and my daily books and i'm about to lotion up and get dressed to start the day. i don't want to do this cold, but at least the day will break earlier than it was last month, and that's something.
i truly am grateful to Jehovah. i have what i need, i have the things i require to get to work, and i could be in a much worse position than i am. i will keep that in the front of my mind today. time to roll.
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