it's nice to be back. it has been a strange weekend. i can do a quick recap, as i've wasted a bunch of time fucking around online rather than getting my shit ready to roll.
so, i did the first day there, which is good. on Saturday, i did hook up with my friend Vera, and we had dinner, where i began to cry publicly while speaking to her about my state of mind and affairs of late. whereupon she told me her own stuff, which is sort of similar, and took me to a strange, crowded place where some local person was singing at a Gallery Hop event, which is when all the yuppies come out and peruse the streets of the short north area and campus to show how 'hip' they are. it was miserable. the singer was cool but i knew none of his material, everyone else being local did of course. there was nowhere to sit, it was hot and stuffy and i felt isolated and an alien in what would once have been a comfortable environment. i'm not daunted by crowds any longer; it was purely emotional discomfort within me leaving me feeling alone and outside.
i finally got back to my room and almost immediately went to sleep. the next day, De'ja came early, we had some food, went to Wal-mart where i got his stuff he asked for for his birthday, and we went to lunch for the real meal, which was average. we went to the park and rode around the city. i know he was worried about me, and i hate that i worried him. the ride home was uneventful and i came in and went to sleep pretty much.
it was a sad adventure. i really don't feel there's any good purpose to me going to Columbus anymore. no one i know is doing anything, no one that was a recovery friend is open to me, and if i have to take care of people, i have enough people here to tend to without traveling to find more. so, i guess i'll see what's east or west next time.
i am grateful, however...i feel clearer about some things and don't feel as if the trip was wasted. i do feel rested this week, so we'll see how things turn out, right? thank you, Father, for a safe trip and a home to come back to.
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