...thing is, i don't exactly know why. time tends to get away from me. it's not even the depression right now, as the worst seems to have abated and i am kind of cruising on intent right now. but i am looking at 4 days without logging, which indicates a bit of auto-pilot. and i've been trying to DO better, which may have something to do with it.
anyway, i try to stay in the same place as far as my morning ritual; prayer, coffee and water, medicine, books. i'm not going to continue to repeat that. i want to simplify my logging to an extent, so that i can get to the essence of what the day is or has been. and i'm going to try to capture some things from the past several days, to bring things up to speed, here and at the Dining Room.
so, the weekend. i did some cleaning on the 2nd floor, but very little on the first floor. i did work on music, but i didn't get to my story, but that is going to happen. the weather has changed, it is hot again. i didn't get around people much over the weekend, choosing to stay home instead. just to give myself some me time. i watched some television, some Hulu. i decided it was time to start working on my meals, on the way i'm eating. so on Monday i had a breakfast that was much more proportional to what my activities would be, which have been minimal, and my lunch was very good. left room for some give for dinner (more on that at the DR). same with yesterday, though i did better for dinner yesterday than Monday.
today i'm going to grab some gym clothes, try to force myself to go to the gym with the Boss. it may happen, it may not, but i've got to start moving my body. i'm up quite a bit, shows in my clothes, in my face. i've got to get back to being physical. with the biopsy coming up, i'm afraid a lot of my impetus has bled away, fearing perhaps the worst and figuring what difference does it make? but that's playing god, and that's not ever a good thing for an ego like mine.
at work, i'm changing routes, because someone was unjustly fired, because local management does not have the temerity to stand for us and thus corporate does what they want to do. it will have bad repercussions, but that has nothing to do with me. i am getting a new driver ready to take my short route and am being offered a route in Newton Falls, that was the terminated driver's route. personally, i hope she comes back, gets her old route back, i'll leave the other driver with my route and go back to being an aide. that's the ideal for me, so it won't happen, but may as well wish, i believe.
anyway, that's the deal at the moment. i'm up, i'm about to get dressed, i got some work to do today, and i'm ready to do it. shaved and showered, debating on breakfast. blessed, but i always am up until now. Thank you, Father.
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