Out of Whack

...troublesome admission, but necessary.  i'm not regular here anymore, and that's some bullshit on my part.  but it is truly unfathomable to me.  i have time.  i get in from work, i make my dinner, i eat, and i watch anime and pass out.  that's still my life.  i'm not overly depressed at the moment; the heavy cloud cover has lifted.  but i am not structured still; i have no regimen, not exercising, not doing anything more than usual. 

i did go to my boss' house on Saturday, out of the ordinary but to no real good purpose.  i hung for a bit, went to the store and came home.  Sunday, i went to my meeting, came home, had dinner with my brother and a friend of his and then went to sleep.  yesterday, pretty much the same.  the waking routine was okay, work wasn't bad, washed clothes at my parent's house, made my mom and dad chicken at my mom's request for their dinner, finished the work day, came home, cooked, watched anime.  the weather has gotten chilled, the days are short again, it's dark when i get up, dark when i roll out.  i start my route in morning gloom and before the third pickup the glaring sunrise is in my windshield. 

i'm not complaining, mind you.  i am okay, but this is a Journey, to be documented regularly, and i am failing to do so.  this is not something that i jot a note from time to time.  i'm not going to beat myself savagely, ain't that kind of party.  i'm going to try to do better, apologize to Jehovah, to toti and to my external self (as well as any concerned parties who may read here) for my lack of discipline, and try to do better.  and i am going to remain grateful for the days, as much as i can, so that i can keep moving forward. 

thank you, Father.  i appreciate this time to get this stuff out.