mysteries the day will yield,
with a treasure boarded snug,
across lands with birds and bugs,
to the destinations laid,
for this journey, poorly paid,
waiting for invasive hands
to pillage my personal lands...
a small ditty about wednesday morning.
so, it's friday now. i feel okay. it's morning, so that could rapidly change, but for the moment, i'm not complaining. i woke without pain, which is nice considering my prostate is perforated now. i went through most of yesterday without much pain either, which was a blessed relief. i don't intend to yield my extra day off, as my doctor told me to rest. but i'm going to work on some things today, and i'm going to start getting caught up on the missing days.
like, i have to admit, yesterday was nerve wracking early on. i was scared, and i admit that freely. scared of the procedure, scared of the discovery (still to come), scared to go through with it. everything in me just about was screaming to just cancel, just not go. but God is smarter than me, every day. he sent Lonnie with me to make certain i would have support. funny how it never even dawned on me to ask anyone for support. but i knew it was out there. I knew the Boss was praying for me, i knew Vera would be asking about how things went. I knew Deja was worried. i didn't tell Syd; feel like potentially horrible news is the eldest child's burden to bear and disseminate when the time is right. and i knew Lonnie would be there through it all, as he always is. best friend right now.
but i was still scared, because it wasn't any of them up on the table, it was me. the enema was weird, administering one's own enema is a strange and unholy business. i did it and had bubble guts for the rest of the morning. i didn't turn off my alarm, just as i didn't turn it off today either, and i also didn't eat or have any coffee, just half a glass of water to take my medicine with. then i laid around until it was time to go.
the actual procedure was fairly quick, but it all happened in my ass. that was a funny sentence. i was numbed, scoped, ultra-sounded and perforated. i joked, the doctor joked, and he calmed my fears nicely. it was done, i cleaned myself up and Lonnie and i went to breakfast and then i came home. spent the rest of the day on the toilet, but not with any huge amounts of blood. i had dinner that evening, i felt pretty good, slept pretty well and am up starting the new day. i have counseling in about 5 hours, have a 12th step to do with a pigeon, and am going to get a few things from the store this morning. so, a typical day, with it's ups and its down, with some new sensations and experiences added in. a new day, blessed with breath, and excited for the possibilities this day brings. i am grateful that part of this procedure is done, and i place my gratitude and the results in Jehovah's hands, because he is always looking out for my best interest.
No comments:
Post a Comment