senility

I have a feeling this is going to be a well-used title for some of these upcoming blogs.  so maybe this is Senility 1, with more to come.  but i'll get into that later.

I didn't get back into my journal yesterday.  I spent the rest of the day in a contemplative mode, which lent itself mostly to editing The Girl Behind the Glass rather than writing.  and that was good, because the editing is done now and i have to focus on marketing myself, my brand and my books.  but i did stay pretty much on course with what i wanted to eat, and I did go to the gym.  I just made a horrible calculation and have to readjust many things so that i don't end up having a bad weekend.

case in point (getting the senility thing out of the way), i had made plans around the probability of being paid today, that is to say, my SSD and our SSI money being in.  Money THAT LANDS ON THE THIRD.  unless the third of the month happens to fall on a saturday or a sunday, in which case the money lands on the friday before the weekend.  so, i had plans to pay my rent early.  to get my tags for my car.  to go to columbus.  to get coffee because i'm almost out (GASP!) to do things that need to be done, in other words.  and none of that is getting done BECAUSE MY MONEY DOESN'T LAND UNTIL TUESDAY.  i also have to reschedule with Lane funeral home to come bring the initial check on Wednesday morning, very likely, as i won't have the money on monday when my appointment is.  wouldn't that be sad?  if my final plans were cancelled for lack of funds?  that's funny.

anyway.  i also was thinking of giving R some money, as she's going to Jamaica this coming week and she is broke.  but as we've been, for the past 48 hours, on eggshells again, i am not inclined to go out of my way on this.  we are fencing without swords, because i don't need one and i'm not going to let her cut me.  getting too old for this.  literally.

anyway...

went to the gym, worked legs and upper body.  saturday and sunday off, or i may cut the grass again.

meals today:
breakfast:  omelet and oatmeal.  i'm craving oatmeal.
lunch: leftover Tex-Mex chicken bake over linguine, i'm thinking.
Dinner:  unknown just yet.

my mood today is somber, it matches the weather.  i have to call insta-copy to see how much they'll charge to run a copy of my manuscript that I can give to R to read.  i have a feeling it will be more cost effective than printing it myself, and then needing to go buy more ink.  i'm going to run a bath with epsom salt, soak my legs as they've been sore for three days following the leg press machine (far too much time away from the gym) and i'm going to keep my running to a minimum.  nothing much planned for the weekend.  my younger brother will be in today, so i'll get around to seeing him at some point.  i guess i feel pretty okay.  middle of the road kind of emotions.

I'm going to work on cleaning my house today also.  just so i can more or less relax and not feel compelled to run away and do money spending things.  more later.

almost 10 at night.  i've nodded for a bit, so i need to get this finished before i go down for the big sleep.
it's been an okay day.  i didn't get much cleaning done.  i got what i needed and i got the manuscript printed for R.  i got a few supplies.  i have to finish making the adjustments so i can tend to my business next week.  i have to find some extra money to help Syd, as her prom is Friday coming.  dad stuff.
R came by, got the book, hung for a while.  we didn't do much talking.  i'm on eggshells again, but what i feel is in her hands.  if she runs, she runs for good.  i won't chase her.
i guess i just want to have some things i can count on.  i don't know if that's really too much to ask, but it feels like it is at times.
tomorrow i'll clean and i'll go see my younger brother.  tomorrow i'll see about money for Syd and readjust with the funeral home.  tomorrow.  if i am blessed to see tomorrow.  your will, Father, not mine.  good night.