changing trajectory

(...this entry was originally from 4/12.  i don't know why i never posted it, but i figure since i'm in a deficit, why not?)

...well, it's Tuesday.  in three days, I will have completed 48 trips around the sun.  that's not too bad, but it's not the longest time either.  there are trees that have made that journey 48 times 48 times and some longer than that.  there are turtles and whales that are still journeying, were journeying long before i parted the birth canal and will still be journeying after i am dust in the wind.  everything is relative.  yet, i am content with my place in the world at this moment.  that will change, because change is the only constant in all things.  but for this moment, it is okay, and i thank God for that.

i had a good day.  it wasn't pain free, but it was pain minimized.  i prayed on my knees this morning, but my sleep was so broken by the prednisone for some reason that i was exhausted waking up.  i saw Syd off to school with some anger, as my alcohol pads have disappeared and though i don't know that she took them, i do know she don't really give a fuck about them.  i had breakfast, a sausage and egg sandwich, and i took my meds and my insulin.  my sugar was 225, but the prednisone can do that, i'm told.  i increased my levamir (long acting) to 20 units, double what i normally take, and kept the novolog (short acting) to ten units in the morning and i'll take another ten before i eat.  i talked to R on the phone for a good while, then i got myself together and gathered up some things and got out of the house.

I went to the library to pick up some books.  I went to the fellowship hall to give Greg the money i collected from the meeting a couple weeks ago.  i went to the store to get things i needed for dinner.  Syd texted me, asking if she could hang with Jo after school and i said yes.  i also called the dude from HH before i left the house to be considerate in turning down the position.  i believe i'ts the right thing.  i like the atmosphere, but there is trouble in the water there, and i already have trouble in my own water to deal with.

i came home and started to prep my stuff for my dinner.  i also made two hamburger patties, sauteed with onions and spinach, covered with salsa and topped with gouda and put on a plate, ate with a bowl of soup.  very tasty.  i made stuffed chicken breasts for dinner, ricotta and chopped spinach and lemon. juice and garlic and parmesan cheese and  red onion and olive oil, mixed together, stuffed inside butterflied chicken breasts, which folded over the filling, received a bacon covering, baked for forty minutes and got covered with pepper jack cheese.  i made a spinach salad and a baked potato to go with it.

today i took the initiative, called a job that i interviewed for and informed them of my situation and my need to decline employment with them at this time.  i felt better doing so, because not doing so would be a pussy move and a show of insecurity and uncertainty.  it also would be unworthy of my God, to say i have faith but to just not show up for an interview tomorrow morning.  i felt like that alone was progress.

then, earlier this evening, i got a call from a woman on my computer phone/business phone.  she was calling to ask about publishing, and i told her about the Amazon Kindle site and how she could make a lot of money if she used their service.  Saturday i'm meeting her to go through her manuscript and give her a price for typing it from longhand to print for uploading to the Kindle site.  i am going to prepare a presentation and offer to get the book together and ready to put on the kindle site, and i'm going to charge for services.  so i'm actually still moving in a good direction, and that's a blessing.

so i feel good.  i need to lose more weight again.  i need to get back to the gym.  i need to get back to writing.  i need to figure out what i'm going to do on Friday for my day.  but mostly, i need to remember to stay grateful, and at this moment, i am doing exactly that.