this weekend has been a journey. it has been a trip through some unpleasantness, but it has been getting answers to prayers simultaneously. there is something beautiful in that, and something terrifying as well. but we'll start with the terrifying part.
i did manage to pray every day, though saturday my prayer came late, because of the pain i was in waking up and trying to get things started. monday i'd gone out shadowing for HH and was sitting, at one point, in rain and sleet as the dude i shadowed was in conversation with another outreach person. when the ache started on tuesday, i only thought about it being because of the walking, and wednesday i even went to the gym, i believe. by thursday, there was a swelling around my knee. it was very pronounced, clearly swollen and it hurt to put weight on the knee. i kept going though, without a cane, even to the grocery store to pick up some needed things. by friday, the swelling had almost doubled, i could see what looked like a bubble over the knee area, at the line between the knee and the thigh. i could only walk with the cane, and i didn't have anything in me to give me speed of movement. as well, i was cold, through and through, and thought i was catching a flu again. i went to counseling, trying to call my doctor while waiting, clearing the snow from my car and heating it up, as i didn't want to do the emergency room. my counselor and i discussed the possibility of it being a rheumatoid arthritis, and we google'd fever in connection with it. the diagnosis was sound, and so i started icing and heating the joint, while taking ibuprofin. it helped but only a little, and overnight i was freezing again.
saturday i continued with the regiment, telling Syd she'd have to be oncall as i was going through some bad shit, and she did well with that, as did her friend. Tina had stopped by to check on me and took my temperature as i was curled up on the couch shivering beneath my comforter. i read 102.1, and so we went to the emergency room at St. E's. i was told it was a gout flare, though i'd never had one in my knee before. they did the usual chargeable tests and gave me two prescriptions. and i took a pain pill and went to a broken sleep, due to the needle they stuck in my knee and scooted around once it had pierced the joint membrane, looking for fluid. that was some pain, jack.
Tina slept on the couch as she stayed with me at the ER and she left after coffee. Syd and Jo went to get my prescriptions filled, and they checked on me later as well. i have been taking prednisone the first days dose of six pills spread out through the day, and it's much better already, but i have five days to go. tomorrow i'm going to try to wash a load of clothes, go to the store for bread and a few other things, and get back to taking it easy.
now, i prayed about the HH job. i prayed because NKRC had paid for my training as peer support so i could hire on as a recovery coach. i will start that position in July. i prayed because i didn't want to do anything that would be counter-productive to that process, and i prayed because i knew there was a lot of static going on with the outreach people at HH already. when i prayed, my knee started to swell. then i ended up in the er. so i feel the answer has been given to me.
at the same time, i am ever so grateful to a host of people. my counselor, for being caring and understanding beyond the parameters of just therapy. my parents, for sending food and supplies. my child and her 'friend' for being able to help me get through. R, for bringing me stuff for my lasagna and diet ginger ale and for checking on me. Tina, for walking me through the emergency room and hanging with me in my rough patch. Jeannie, for bringing me Knudsen's tart cherry juice, which should also help with the gout. my brother for checking in and offering to run for me despite his aching. my friend/sponsee Matt, who checked on me, as well as Bob. now that's a lot of people. and that's not even all of them. but it shows me something. i told VF i was going to ask for help and accept the help that i would receive, and i did that, and i received in abundance. that is an important thing for me to remember. because God always gives me what i need. and i need to remember to be much more grateful for that. thank you, Father. time for sleep now.
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