i'm sure it's been a couple days at least, and that's not cool. but i am going to enter some shit right now, get some thoughts down, because i know this night ain't gonna have my company for much longer, and i have to try to get this shit going right.
you learn how much you can bear when you have to bear it. that's just the reality of this life. i go to work willingly, i still get there early, i still make coffee. but now i don't think so much about the
'extracurriculars'. i do what i do and i go to my bus and wait for my start time. it's .lonely, for the most part, but it's not the worst thing i've ever dealt with. i have unlikely friends, someone today said they didn't believe anything that has been said about me, them having just found out, that they hate 'liars and people who try to hurt your reputation'. on my word, i've said nothing to anyone at work about this, so the fact that it touched my heart, i couldn't even share. i think that's the worst part. but that's what character is all about. it's not what anyone else thinks about me, or what anyone else say's about me; it's what i'm ABOUT. and that doesn't change because someone decided to shoot a hole in my work life. in fact, it just gives me more work to do.
yesterday i did clear some of the air with the woman from my meetings. the same as my brother, i did not make an 'amend' because i didn't feel i was wrong in any of my actions. but i declared peace between us, allowing that i knew i needed to not judge, to allow her to be herself without feeling the weight of my disapproval. i don't know if it acually will make things better. we ain't gonna be friends. but i did tell her that God put her in my life for a reason, maybe because she is now someone who is an asset to my father in his activities. and if that is the case, who am i to condemn anyone?
be in Columbus soon. i need that reset. that's enough for now. thnak you, Father, for a good looooooong day.
No comments:
Post a Comment