and it's not like i don't ever get sick, not like i shouldn't be used to it by now. sickness has never been something i could avoid, long as i can remember. but when it sneaks up on me, catches me off guard and just fucks up a day... i hate that shit.
i was sick yesterday. woke up stuffed up, head banging, off-center. did the usual stuff without an issue (prayer, meditative readings, scriptures, took my meds) but leaving out the house, i was way out of sorts. had my headphones (which i'd forgotten on monday) but forgot my work shirt, as i was in my walking gear. walking gear sounds so pretentious; i had on a t-shirt from the day before, and a long sleeve button down for the actual work day was to accompany me. same as today for the most part. but i left the work shirt at home, trying to remember everything. i went to Wal-Mart to get a different shirt, some fruit for breakfast and to find an AC, and felt myself trying to return to sleep. so by the time i was done there, going to work i was falling asleep at the wheel. i'd taken some cold medicine before i left the house (won't make that mistake today) but it's benefit is negligible.
now, i can say i blame myself for this. i have slow-roasted all last week, day and night. i knew the temperature was dropping, but monday, when i walked, i was out in the drizzle. it felt good, after a week of cooking my internal organs, so i didnt' mind much. later in that day, the drizzle was a downpour, with me being out in it while going to stores for supplies and to get my lunch. soaked to the skin, both times. didn't dry off, as it was on work hours i didn't have a change of clothes either. then, monday night, the temperature plunged and my house was freezing and wide open, with fans running, one blowing on me. so, waking up fucked up on Tuesday makes perfect sense...in hindsight.
i did some things that needed to be done though. i took care of the CSEA thing so Syd will have a new card to get Chris' payments on. i did order an AC, and that should be here friday. i talked to my mom, my child, texted with my other child in Columbus. i rested, i slept, i ate responsibly. Rachel went to the store for me, brought me a cantaloupe, which i was craving for some reason, but i have to wait on it to soften. i did what my body was demanding, in other words.
today i feel better. not 100, but when does 100 ever come into play anymore? it's cool, the blessing is strength without more compromise than age, and i'm good with that. i am ready to dress for the day. i'm going to walk a bit further today, make up for yesterday. i'm going to wear that weird fleece thing they gave me at work, see how warm it actually is, as the temp is in the high 50's right now. thinking about some stir-fry for dinner, so i got to get the veggies on my way home. a day that plans itself out is a good day. hell, i even made the flyers for my meeting today yesterday, to announce that we're moving to the Fellowship hall.
i thank my God for taking care of me, for showing me how to take care of myself, and allowing me to know that I have a right to do so.
also, tonight starts the updating of the Dining Room, as it's time to change and time to hold myself accountable. it's cool to have someone to nudge me forward, but if i want different I have to do different. time to make the motherfucking donuts...metaphorically speaking, of course. 😝
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